Why Write About THAT?

 

Two days ago, I had the immense privilege of standing in front of my church family at Life Church and preaching a message titled Don’t Let Depression Rob You of Your Destiny! I had envisioned such a moment at times in the past—not preaching on depression, but having the freedom to preach on anything. In my heart of hearts, I knew I had been given a wealth of giftings—and I wanted to bless others, but depression always told me I couldn’t. I wasn’t “well” enough; I wasn’t “spiritual” enough (because of the depression); I wasn’t “worthy;” I just wasn’t. And the even bigger lie was that I never would be.

With all the responses I’ve gotten since the message—all appreciative and full of praise—I have had a lot to thank the Lord for. For the opportunity to share. For the anointing of the Lord. For the people He specifically brought to hear the word the Father had put in my heart. For those who were brave enough to stand, acknowledging that they have been battling depression and want to be free from it.

So as I was thinking on how far the Lord’s brought me and asking myself what I should write my next blog about, I felt like the Lord said “Write about that.” Write about depression? But that seems awfully…well, depressing. I was reminded of parts of my story that I didn’t share—I mean, I couldn’t keep the congregation there all day! So today in my blog, I’m going to share a little bit more.

A good friend said something to me after the service on Sunday that I hadn’t really thought about. Many times creative people get attacked with depression. Now, there are many types of creativity. In my life, these artistic or imaginative gifts have manifested themselves in many ways—arts and crafts, scrapbooking, teaching ideas, even organization—but primarily in writing. When the enemy knows one has a lot to offer—and many different ways in which to do it, and that it’s going to bless others—he works hard to keep the creativity from getting out. He looks for ways to keep it from touching the souls of those God intends for it to bless. Depression, in a sense, is an easy tool for him to use—it carries such devastation of self-worth with it. It basically negates all creative gifting with lies like “no one will want to hear that;” “that’s not as good as you want to think it is;” “big deal—anyone could do that.” The truth is…not anyone could do it—whatever your creative gifting is, it’s a mantle God placed upon you for a specific purpose and with a specific flair to it that is unique to you.

I’ve been a writer since I was a young child, and the Lord knew just what messages to send to my heart to keep me doing it. When I was nine, I had a reading and spelling teacher named Mr. Rhenberg. Once when I wrote a story called “Farla and the Flannel Nightgown,“ he wrote in big, flourishing letters at the top, “Beautiful story, Teresa.” Those words stamped something in my spirit and solidified a calling in me from that day forward: I am a writer.

What the enemy probably didn’t expect is that I would write through my depression and that God would even use it as a tool to lift me out of it. Yes, he may have shut me up at times and even slowed down my timeline (of getting my written words out to the world), but he has never been able to completely stop me from writing. And the more I write, the more I feel that call of the Lord well up within me.

I mentioned in my “sermon” (really more of a life story) that the enemy had tried to “take me out” when I was young—a rock being thrown through a window that almost hit me in the head as a toddler in my playpen; an incident with a window that cut my wrist and nearly cut my artery—another I didn’t mention was that at age ten I borrowed a ten-speed without asking and ended up running into a moving car. I came away with only bumps and bruises. And at age eleven, I experienced an incident of sexual abuse (by a stranger whom I never saw again) that, while not life-threatening in the mortal sense, did rob a lot of “life” from me—the enemy tried to use it to rob me of relationships, and particularly intimacy in relationships. He also used it to make me feel “dirty” and worthless. That was one of my earliest inductions into the realm of isolation and self-protection, within the much larger world of depression.

My heart was crying out for love, but I searched for it in some futile ways. I felt “ugly” and “low class.” So I was drawn to that environment—poverty—in finances, in emotional stability, in connection with God. It was a heist, designed by the enemy to rob me of everything of value the Lord had placed within me—a gift to write, a heart to praise, and a desire for close and intimate relationships.

For two years, I ignored the voice of the Holy Spirit—I had myself virtually convinced, in fact, that everything I was doing was “just fine.” I was still a Christian after all. But my relationship with my parents had taken a dramatic dive. I didn’t want to hear anything they had to say if it was contrary to the choices I was making. I told myself that they just wanted to run my life. They couldn’t see how “mature” I was. Looking back now, I know that my spirit longed for relationship with them—but at the time, I was not listening to my spirit; my soul and body were in charge. But each step I took down the path I had chosen led to shame—and inner discontent and turmoil. I just didn’t want to acknowledge it.

When I finally did come to terms with the mess I had made, God clearly illuminated the way out. It had been there all along, of course. He restored a good relationship with my parents—and I began to experience joy again. Not fleshly satisfaction, but actual joy. I was so grateful that God had rescued me. But never having developed a consistent devotional life (though I’d tried), I still felt I needed another person to complete me. I didn’t yet realize how precious I was to God—and that I was complete in Him.

When I met Byron (whom I’ve been married to for 27 years now), our relationship raced along—and fairly quickly I knew he was “the one.” The only thing wrong with it all was that I put him ahead of God. We married a year and two months after we started dating, and we were happy…except for when my unrealistic expectations of my husband made me feel unhappy. I began to focus on circumstances, and as I did so, it was harder and harder to trust God. The enemy capitalized on this—and I suffered great bouts of depression at times.

I was depressed—unfulfilled—feeling I wasn’t important to most people—struggling to connect with God. But what could I do about it? I have had many people come into my life who’ve spoken the truth to me, and I’m so thankful for them. I feel that their words were “like apples of gold in settings of silver,” truly “words spoken at the right time” (Prov. 25:11, NIV; HCSB). They lifted me out of some dark times and set me back on a well-lit path.

But I kept veering off the path—sure, I still prayed (as much as I could) and went to church (for years in a performance mode). But I kept going back to the enemy’s words instead of God’s. He would speak a lie that I would receive as the truth, and it would weaken my resolve to go after what God might have to say on the matter. I would simply settle for what my mind seemed to be saying was true. But in my spirit…I knew there had to be more. There was a cloud over my life. It seemed that every time I tried to move out from under it, it would just get bigger the next time. And I wondered if I’d ever be able to get past it at all.

The truth about who we are has to go deep, or it won’t have a lasting effect. For me, it’s been as though truth has been piled little by little, rock by rock, until the pillar was tall enough that I could finally see over  the edge of the pit I’d been in—and step out onto the grassy surface at the top to breathe the air I was always meant to breathe. I had to take a huge risk—I had to start believing what God said about me, and about my circumstances. My foundation of truth would only be as strong as my belief. Truly the choice came down to this: was I going to believe the enemy (who’d only worked hard to make my life miserable in so many areas), or was I going to believe God?

It has been a long, hard road—but I finally started to get the message—and not settle for less. Jesus didn’t say, “Come to me, and you will have a life of lack; deficit will be your portion; you will just have to learn to live with it.” No! He said, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10). Not only did he establish God’s purposes for us in that one statement—He exposed the enemy’s! Jesus gave everything for me; why would I not take Him at His word? And that is where I now choose to stand. Even if it looks bad, impossible, or scary, I desperately  want—no, need—to take Jesus at His word. He will never lie to me, never give me a stone in place of bread, never leave or forsake me.

And He’ll do the same for you. Shut off the rantings and rovings of your brain. Open your spirit to Him. He is faithful to speak to us—check what you hear with the truth of His written word if you’re not sure. See if it rings true in your spirit. But please let Him in! He wants to give you the keys to freedom, and you can start collecting them today. “"Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends” (Rev. 3:20, NLT). It’s up to us to open the door.

Why write about depression? Because it matters. God cares where you’re at. He sees you. And He doesn’t want to leave you in the pit.

“Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you” (Psalm 139:7-12). God’s got you—He’s never left, not even in the midst of your deepest, darkest depression. God is light, and He is able to illuminate the darkness so that it no longer exists. You are not hidden from Him, beloved.

Why write about depression? Because Satan doesn’t want me to, and because the God who loves you infinitely is passionate about your freedom. It’s time to open the door—and turn on the light.

God's Mysterious Ways

My mom always used to say, “God works in mysterious ways His wonders to perform.” And He most certainly does. He’s God after all—His ways are higher than our ways, His thoughts than our thoughts. Knowing that God is so magnificent, why is it we have such a hard time with some of the things He does? Some of the ways in which He chooses to manifest His power and glory?

We Western Christians tend to want a tidy little box of religious form and predictability—but that’s not a reflection of who God is! Not even close.

This is the God who parted the Red Sea, who walked on water and enabled Peter to do the same, who sent demons into pigs, and who spit in a guy’s eye so he could regain his sight. This is one out-of-the-ordinary God! So why do we expect that here in our culture, He’s going to “behave” and act in ways that are so…ordinary?

Could it be complacency? If God isn’t doing anything “big,” nothing much is really required of us. But if He’s moving in signs and wonders—we’re going to have to get onboard or be in the camp of the unimpressed, which really is another word for “unbelievers.” And I’m not talking about those who don’t believe in Christ but rather those who choose to only accept certain aspects or demonstrations of God and reject others because they’re just, well…too hard to believe.

We readily accept Jesus multiplying five fish and a couple loaves of bread into enough food to feed 5,000 people, but we dismiss reports of oil pouring from a Bible or jewels appearing in church services. “Well,” some would argue, “feeding the 5,000 had a purpose.” That attitude assumes we understand and therefore can interpret God’s purposes. I say that the purpose is rooted in love—whether God wants to feed you because you are hungry and He doesn’t want to send you away or He drops jewels from Heaven to shower His love upon you or He allows oil to pour from His written word—a visual reminder that the Holy Spirit is alive and active in our midst—all are rooted in the Father’s great love for us. He treasures us, He is mighty, and He wants us to be blessed.

And don’t forget that the Holy Spirit is also a gift to us, and He has promised to lead us into all truth—but many of us have decided that we will accept only those truths that fit into our little box marked “God (As I Allow Him to Be).”

Another argument I’ve heard is, “That’s not scriptural. I don’t find it in the Bible.” Just because something didn’t occur in the pages of the Bible doesn’t make it un-scriptural. All Scripture is God-breathed—literally inspired by His Spirit. Arguing that an unusual manifestation of God is “not scriptural” is essentially saying that only the Bible can be God-inspired, which basically makes Christianity a dead religion.

If we can always explain it, control it, quantify it, or direct it—then maybe…just maybe God’s not in it. Or at least not in the way He’d like to be.

When the signs of God’s Presence are absent, people in today’s world—particularly youth—have a hard time accepting God—how is believing in him anything different than believing in the Easter Bunny? So many in the Western Church have taken the supernatural out of their presentation of God—and in doing so, they deny His very character! In 2 Timothy 3, Paul warned about people in the last days being lovers of themselves and of pleasure, “having a form of godliness but denying its power” (verse 5a). It’s easy to see this Scripture outside the church, but we must be careful that some of us inside the church don’t fall prey to the same deceptive way of thinking. God is a God of power! Hello. And that power cannot be controlled; nor should it be squelched.

"These signs will accompany those who have believed: in My name they will cast out demons, they will speak with new tongues; they will pick up serpents, and if they drink any deadly poison, it will not hurt them; they will lay hands on the sick, and they will recover” (Mark 16:17-18). These sound like pretty supernatural things to me! But these are the normal signs that should follow believers.

Let us not forget: “It is he who made the earth by his power, who established the world by his wisdom, and by his understanding stretched out the heavens” (Jeremiah 10:12). This is not a God who likes to be boxed in. We have made Him so small, in our limited understanding, that we can’t accept some of the “crazy” things He may very well want to do in our midst!

This is the same God who led the Israelites “in a pillar of cloud to guide them on their way and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so that they could travel by day or night” (Exodus 13:21). But we think it’s “weird” to do fire tunnels (a tunnel formed by a line of people standing on each side—those who want to be touched by the power and love of God travel through the tunnel, while those forming the tunnel lay hands on them and pray for them).

Isn’t  it clear that we’ve reduced the Almighty to a “somewhat mighty” representation of Him? That the “weird” manifestations we might fear may be weird to us because we’re not actually walking in the fullness of God? I Corinthians 2:9 says, “However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him.”” Perhaps some of the things we have not yet conceived of, God is just waiting for us to open our hearts and minds to so that He can bring them into our midst. In John 14:12, Jesus said that those who believed in Him would do “even greater things” than He did while on the earth. Um, he raised Lazarus from the dead! Why are we so afraid of experiencing and even being used in the “greater things”?

Because they don’t fit with our comfortable, easily explained, limited risk, neat and clean everyday lives. We have no trouble believing that God could bring water from a rock or turn water into wine…back then. But if it happened in our midst today, many of us would want to switch churches. It would make us uncomfortable because it’s too outside our experience. I would argue that these things should be desired not for the sake of the signs themselves but for a greater understanding of who God is and the power He holds to change lives—and that this is the God who will be coming back to us! Not a God who stands stoically behind a pulpit and leads us in responsive reading (though there’s nothing wrong with responsive reading)—He’s coming in power! Jesus said in Mark 14:62, “…you will see the Son of Man seated in the place of power at God's right hand and coming on the clouds of heaven" (NLT).

Bottom line—if we serve a supernatural God, we need to expect supernatural occurrences. We need to embrace them as part of our family heritage, for we are “joint-heirs with Christ” (Romans 8:17, KJV). We pray “on earth as it is in heaven,” but do we really mean that? Heaven is an unfathomably glorious place! It is the hub of all supernatural activity—and God wants to bring that reality to earth. Are we willing to open the door for it to happen? Are we willing to set aside our preconceptions of what “orderly church” and “Christian life” should look like in order to experience His glory?

I’m not saying that all churches should operate the same or worship the same. What I’m saying is—we are too stuck in our ways and even afraid to let God be God if it doesn’t look “natural.” Paul was knocked to the ground and struck blind when he came into contact with our Lord, but we think it’s weird if a person experiencing the presence of God begins to shake and tremble, or even cry out. What has made us so religious in our thinking?!

In Judges, chapter 6, Gideon was so bold as to even question the wisdom of the angel God sent to him. ““Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our ancestors told us about when they said, ‘Did not the Lord bring us up out of Egypt?’ But now the Lord has abandoned us and given us into the hand of Midian.”” The enemy’s strategy has always been to get us to see God as small—so that we would be kept from all forms of victory. So that we would continue to live out our lives simply “threshing wheat,” as it were—never aspiring to anything more, never seeing ourselves as the tools God would use once we become activated in our true callings.

Gideon was not quick to change his thinking. He even asked the angel of the Lord for a sign—that it was really God who was talking to him. He laid down an offering. “Then the angel of the Lord touched the meat and the unleavened bread with the tip of the staff that was in his hand. Fire flared from the rock, consuming the meat and the bread. And the angel of the Lord disappeared. When Gideon realized that it was the angel of the Lord, he exclaimed, “Alas, Sovereign Lord! I have seen the angel of the Lord face to face!”” (Judges 6:21-22). Sounds a little on the supernatural side to me.

Fortunately, Gideon finally decided to trust God—after asking Him twice for confirmation through a fleece—as if the whole “angel of the Lord” experience weren’t enough. I believe Gideon had become hard-wired to believe for defeat and the absence of God’s presence as the norm. He was basing his belief system on his rational experience, not on the character of God. But finally He saw the light and believed—even when God asked him to drastically reduce the size of his army so that there would be no doubt that the ensuing victory was of God’s hand. God even showed Gideon the victory in a dream. ““I had a dream,” he was saying. “A round loaf of barley bread came tumbling into the Midianite camp. It struck the tent with such force that the tent overturned and collapsed”” (Judges 7:13b). The Lord then provided the interpretation. And the rest is history. There was a miraculous triumph for Israel that day. What a weird dream though! The type of thing many of us would scoff at, yet it was a key to unlock Gideon’s understanding of a God who was way bigger than he had made him to be.

Revelation—however strange a manner it may come in—is a gift! God has many gifts for us we are yet to receive—because we simply have closed our minds to them—we won’t receive them. “If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” (Matthew 7:11).

Ask Him! Ask Him to rock your world as you know it, to show up in power, to do things you’ve never seen before, to affect many for His Kingdom—because no one can deny that this is the one true God. May we not be so earthly minded that we are no heavenly good. May we not be so “careful” in our pursuit of God that we actually reduce Him to something that will fit into our wallets and purses.

I will end with a declaration from a familiar song many of us learned as children. I would challenge you—how true is this declaration in your life today? Do you believe there is nothing your God cannot do? And if He does, will you try to explain it away as the Pharisees did? How “big” is God in your life? Will you allow Him to be even bigger?

My God is so big, so strong and so mighty
There's nothing my God cannot do
My God is so big, so strong and so mighty
There's nothing my God cannot do

The mountains are His, the rivers are His
The stars are His handiwork too
My God is so big, so strong and so mighty
There's nothing my God cannot do
(from www.songlyrics.com/veggie-tales-veggie-tunes)

Sweet Little Ants

When my daughter Kalina was little, she went through a phase in which she became very concerned about the welfare of ants. She would spot them crawling on the ground and tell us not to step on them—they were “sweet little ants.” She didn’t want them to be hurt.

I didn’t laugh at her or tell her she was being silly. No—because she had such a passion for the safety of these small creatures, I would step lightly and watch where I walked so as not to upset her little heart. What was important to her was important to me.

This is a picture of the way our Heavenly Father feels about us. The smallest, most seemingly insignificant things—the things we think He wouldn’t even consider in a mere thought—are important to Him because they are part of our lives. And He cares about us.

In Luke 12:7, our Lord tells us, “ Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.” The details matter to Him. The little things matter to Him. Jesus blessing the children in Mark, chapter 10 is a perfect representation of the love the Father has for us, His children. He always wants us to come to Him—and He will pay attention to whatever’s on our minds and hearts.

Psalm 139:1-4 - “You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.” He knows what we’re thinking about—because He cares so deeply about us, He’s taking note of our every concern. Even if it’s sweet little ants.

Receiving the Truth

I had the urge today—the urge to run. And not for my health. I felt discouraged. I felt the enemy tugging at me, to pull me away and isolate me in a corner—and if not a physical one, an emotional one. I recognized the spirit of discouragement, as I’ve been pretty acquainted with it throughout my life. The question I had to ask myself this morning, though, was ‘did I want it?’ Well, no, not really, but what was I going to do about it?

 I was up in the prayer room at church, already muting Discouragement’s voice as it tried to tell me I didn’t belong there, should just go downstairs and pretend not to be there, should really just give up on the whole day. I was muting it, but some of it was getting through.

Then a man who is like a grandpa/father figure in our church greeted me and asked me how I was doing. I thought about how to respond—it was a moment of potential rejection, wasn’t it? No, this was an opportunity to be “real,” I decided. I simply answered that I was feeling a bit of discouragement. This precious man put his arm around me, saying, “Let’s get that off of you; you weren’t made for that” and began to pray over me. As he held me and prayed, I felt the presence of the Lord—and as I did, the discouragement lifted.

I let my heart be open to receive—and I did. If we want to be delivered from things like discouragement, depression, hopelessness, etc., then we need to actually want to get rid of them. Part of that “wanting to” results as we recognize that these things don’t belong to us. In other words, they didn’t originate with us—they’re from the enemy. They are spirits sent to keep us from the abundant life God has for us (i.e., “…you weren’t made for that”).

For many of us, it’s going to be a process. But whatever truth you can receive today is truth you won’t have to wait until tomorrow, a month from now, a year from now, or even years down the road to “get.” Freedom is readily available. “For he says, "In the time of my favor I heard you, and in the day of salvation I helped you." I tell you, now is the time of God's favor, now is the day of salvation” (2 Corinthians 6:2).

This is the day that the Lord has made—I am thankful that I’ve received enough of God’s truth in my life that I was willing to stop and get rid of the baggage so that I could rejoice and be glad in it. Maybe I haven’t felt perfectly joyful or perfectly on-top-of-the-world encouraged the entire day, but I know that I am being perfected (in my attitudes, perspectives, and freedom) and that I was made for much, much more than what the enemy would like to put on me. And so were you! “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them” (Ephesians 2:10, NKJV).

Thank you, Don Pike, for speaking the truth of who I am to me today—I’m walking it out, one step at a time, with a mighty good God to lead me.