Freedom From Depression and Anxiety: Traveling the Road WITH You - Days 11-15

Day Eleven: Living With Someone Who’s Depressed

Depressed people don’t want to be asked ‘what’s wrong?’ Often, they can’t define it themselves. So if you live with a depressed person, what can you, or should you, do?

1)      Pray—for wisdom (for yourself in how to interact with and relate to the person) and that he or she would have peace—that God would show him/her the way OUT of depression.

2)      Give them space. Don’t keep getting in his/her face, so to speak, to try and determine what is wrong. It is okay to ask if they know what the TRIGGER was, but I’d recommend waiting until they’re at least somewhat communicative. The answer might be helpful information in understanding how your friend/loved one reached this point—accept it as just that, and don’t use it to try and formulate a “treatment plan.”

3)      Realize that ALL life is related to the present in the mind of the depressed person—so the theory of getting their mind off their circumstances by talking about the past—or the future—is not valid.

4)      Don’t say ‘oh, don’t be sad.’ Validate their feelings: ‘I know you’re feeling depressed. I’m here for you. Let me know if there’s anything I can do.’ Then walk away, giving them their space. Chances are, the only thing they might want is a snack of some sort, but at least you’ve given the option.

5)      Ask if you can do chores or tasks that the depressed person might normally do—for example, the dishes. This is tricky—because he or she may feel WORSE about being currently incapable of tackling the task. But there is also a chance that having someone help lift their load in a tangible way may improve their mood.

6)      While giving them space, check in on them periodically—let them know you’re just checking on them. Don’t say ‘How are you feeling?’ or ‘Are you still depressed?’ Ask if they need anything. Not checking at ALL reinforces the common belief the depressed person has that people don’t care.

7)      Don’t get frustrated with them for being depressed. This is a tough one. Unconditional love is needed, so it’s important that no guilt-tripping take place. For example, ‘If you weren’t so depressed, we could go to the park’ says ‘I’m not having fun because YOU are depressed.’

8)      It’s true—it is NOT fun dealing with someone who’s depressed; this is something the depressed person KNOWS but at the moment feels powerless to do anything about. Live your life anyway, but let them know you care by letting them know what you’re doing and when you’ll be back. For example: ‘I’m running to the store—I’ll be back in about a half-hour’; ‘I’ll be in the family room watching a movie if you need me’; ‘I’m going outside to mow the lawn—I’ll be done in twenty minutes or so.’ This communicates that you WANT to be available and near, and it provides a certain comfort to the depressed person.

9)      Speak the truth—but not in a corrective way. If he or she says something self-deprecating like “I’m a terrible person,” instead of saying ‘No, you’re not,’ just say what you know to ACTUALLY be true, such as ‘You’re one of the most caring people I know, and I’m thankful to be your friend/spouse/roommate.’ They may try and argue, but they may just begin to “chew on” what you’ve said. The truth can sometimes go to the heart of a matter quicker than trying to “reason them out of it” can. Don’t go back and forth with them. If they disagree, you can always say that you stand by what you’ve said and leave it at that.

10)   Don’t take it personally that someone you care about is depressed. He or she is not trying to make your life miserable. In fact, he or she may come and apologize later on—after getting out of the depression cycle. And part of not taking it personally is not suggesting solutions or antidotes—that makes it seem that you’re trying to FIX the person so that YOUR life is easier.

The reality is that chronic depression affects a whole lot more people than just the person who’s depressed. But no one can force the person to just “bounce” out of it. If children are in the picture, they DO need to be protected from the emotional effects. Don’t tell them ‘Mommy/Daddy doesn’t want to be with you right now.’ Instead, you can say—in all honesty—that Mommy/Daddy isn’t feeling well and needs to rest. Though being depressed isn’t very RESTFUL, he or she does need “rest” in the sense of having a momentary separation from pressing responsibilities.

11)   Talk about the depression cycle with the person when he or she is OUT of the cycle, not during it. Try and devise some tips and strategies together that will be beneficial to everyone involved.

12)   During the cycle, set boundaries for your own health and well-being. For example, make it clear that you won’t engage in conversation if he or she is being negative or rude toward YOU. Don’t get pulled into some type of argument or battle.

13)   Never give up on someone who deals with depression.

Coming out of a lifelong pattern of depression isn’t easy. And it will look different for each person. God DOES have a “hope and a future” for you (Jeremiah 29:11)—which is the OPPOSITE of what depression has to offer. If YOU are the person who keeps going through that cycle, ask the Lord, in His great mercy, to show you the way out—to illuminate that path for you. Perhaps there is ONE change you can make, ONE activity you can add to your life that will put you in a better place. Start doing it when you’re NOT depressed because chances are—when you’re depressed, you won’t be able to find the motivation to.

There are people who love you—and God loves you the most. He WANTS you set free. Don’t be afraid to look at answers you may not have considered before—everyone’s journey is different. You CAN have an abundant life. Take hold of that hope today—and let the Holy Spirit be your guide. He really does know what He’s doing.

Day Twelve: Anxiety at Every Turn—Turn Your Heart Toward Him

Today I want to list—and briefly discuss—some things that can bring on anxiety:

·         Decision-making—often we question our own decisions, or the decision-making process itself.

·         Having to “manufacture,” i.e., come up with, a meal for one’s family/being hungry but not having an immediate or viable solution. When we are already dealing with underlying symptoms of anxiety, having to think about food preparation—or finding food (since anxiety can lead to a lack of forethought) while out doing errands, etc.

·         Lots of dirty dishes (that one’s pretty self-explanatory, I think).

·         A full schedule/schedule changes—adding new things to one’s routine can become quickly cumbersome in the anxiety department; an anxious person often does not want to disappoint others and takes on more than he or she should—or he or she takes it on when NOT in an anxiety cycle, then when things get tough with the commitment, anxiety that’s been dormant or “under control” rises to the surface. Subsequently, as the realization sets in that one has “bitten off more than he/she can chew,” there is an additional dose of anxiety over not being able to back out.

·         Menstrual cycle (it’s a fact of life for those of us who are women—and often leads to excessive amounts of stress).

·         The needs/demands of a new baby (those of us who’ve experienced post-partum depression know the feelings of anxiety that tend to come alongside as well—after the initial “honeymoon period”).

·         Deadlines approaching—it’s not bad for us to HAVE a deadline; it’s that as that time draws nearer and nearer, we think more and more about what needs to be done—and we panic internally.

·         Trying to lose weight - Anyone who’s struggled with their weight knows it can be frustrating and stressful—and for those who veer toward anxiety, it’s compounded by intense thoughts/feelings of ‘Yikes, what if I can’t reach my goal?,’ ‘Oh no, I ate THAT!;’ ‘This could take FOREVER,’ etc., and the corresponding moments of panic these thoughts can lead to if we’re not careful. Self-care during this process is extremely important but often neglected as more and more anxiety creeps in—and sometimes…takes over.

·         When others see you when you’re NOT at your best and/or when they make assumptions about you.

·         Others’ expectations.

·         When people close to you are irritable/in a hurry/tend to complain (this can be true even over simple things).

·         Riding with an aggressive (or impulsive) driver.

·         Being rushed.

·         High-peril TV shows/movies (certain types may even lead to a lack of sleep, depending on the individual’s sensitivities).

·         Going to church – This one was a struggle for me for YEARS. Dealing with depression and anxiety, I did not want to have to “deal” with people and the unspoken expectation of being a “full-of-joy-and-peace” Christian. It made me all jittery inside. And the enemy made sure to bring those anxious thoughts my way.

·         Animal care (this can be unpredictable and/or tedious at times—and therefore, anxiety-producing).

·         Moments when children are whiny or headstrong.

So basically…ANYTHING and EVERYTHING in life has the potential to cause anxiety. And when one is PRONE to anxiety, it often doesn’t take MUCH to feel pushed “over the edge” of what can be reasonably handled. But let me remind you here that when all odds are against you, YOU must be “odd” enough to find a way out. Remember—you are UNCOMMON. YOU can find tools that will either just work for you or may work for many others too—but the fact is, no one else has thought of them. I didn’t realize for a long time that I possessed this potential—and that I could be CREATIVE in leading myself out of anxiety.

To quote a famous line from Dr. Malcolm in Jurassic Park, “Life will find a way.” That may sound trite—but it’s really true. A desire to truly LIVE—and not be continually in a state of overwhelmed-ness—will eventually result in LIFE if one’s actions can match up with, or support, one’s desires. This can only be accomplished as we turn our hearts toward God. The Bible says in Proverbs 23:7, "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he". In another translation, it reads “…so does he become.” The way in which we think, i.e., process information, translates to the way in which we live our lives from the HEART—in a defeated manner or a victorious one. But if we can begin to dispel the anxious thoughts ONE BY ONE, we begin to see that we actually ARE surviving, and eventually….THRIVING.

Ask the Holy Spirit, “Holy Spirit, what do you have for me in place of my anxiety over such-and-such?” Take the time to let the peace of God come into the midst of a normally (or what WE have learned is “normal”) anxious situation. Ask Him to renew your mind so that you don’t BECOME one whose heart is always flustered and traumatized. That is NO WAY to live! I know from experience. Being conscious of WHEN and WHY we are having anxiety is a start. But you can’t do it alone.

When your heart is overwhelmed, turn it toward Jesus, your ROCK. He is solid, steadfast, dependable—He will not be moved by circumstances, and there is NO FEAR in Him. And WE, as believers, are IN HIM. Let that picture of being “in Jesus” invade your thoughts today. Take John 15:7 to heart—“If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.” Do you honestly WISH for a life of…LIFE? That’s what He came to give. Listen to His words and let His Spirit instruct you in the ways of victory. When your mind is racing a million miles a minute, STOP (your anxious frenzy), LOOK (to the Lord—and His great love for you), and LISTEN (to what the Spirit has to say about your situation—it’s probably WAY different than the anxious thoughts the enemy wants you to keep FEEDING on, which are starving your very soul because THEY don’t possess the nutrients you need to THRIVE). Declare today, “I will be anxious for NOTHING.” Perhaps that feels FAR from the truth right now, but let it become your “faith in action” prayer. Victory—and with it, peace and joy—awaits. 

Day Thirteen: Sleep

When you suffer from anxiety or depression (let’s face it—it’s usually some of BOTH), sleep patterns are heavily affected. You may worry, so you can’t GET to sleep, and the depression causes you to sleep TOO much—so if you don’t have a regular job outside of the house, when you finally do get up you begin to feel anxious for all the time that has passed and all you have not accomplished; but due to the depression and anxiety, you can’t BEGIN to figure out how to accomplish anything. So MORE anxiety and depression sets in.

If you have a job outside of the house, chronic anxiety can make getting enough sleep very difficult.

We all know that getting a proper amount of sleep is vital to our health—but when you struggle with anxiety and depression, sleep is not always a restful proposition. And getting the correct amount is near impossible.

To emphasize the importance of sleep, here is a quote from the Take Shape for Life “Meltdown Challenge” I’m currently a part of: “Sleep deprivation, a form of psychological torture, is often considered worse than going without food or water. It rapidly erodes emotions and self-confidence, resulting in erratic behavior. If you’re sleepy, you probably aren’t sleeping enough, or sleeping well enough- in other words, like most things, it comes down to your habits!”

Okay, so when we’re depressed or anxious, we form destructive habits. But it seems like the only WAY—in a sense, it seems “right” to us because it’s all we’ve known. “Sometimes what seems right is really a road to death” (Prov. 16:25, CEV). In most translations, “death” is used, but “destruction” is also a synonym.

So, we’re destroying ourselves with our sleep habits. What do we do about it?

One thing that has truly helped me greatly is exercise. When you’re depressed or anxious, you don’t FEEL like exercising. I’m still not in a CONSISTENT pattern, but I’m working on it. I’ve found that I enjoy running—though I know that’s not for everybody. Even doing a few sit-ups before bed can help boost the endorphins (your body’s natural stress-reducers) and calm the nerves. Or…do them before getting up—or do some leg raises. Something that will activate endorphins, sending the right messages to your brain.

But exercise isn’t the only way to release endorphins. Seeking out daily laughter, listening to music, or even eating certain foods can do the same thing. For example, eating hot peppers or a bit of dark chocolate will activate endorphins. Eating carb-rich comfort foods will release them as well. A wikiHow article, “How to Release Endorphins,” suggests, “You can enjoy comfort food without going off your diet. Try a bowl of old-fashioned oatmeal with a little honey and milk stirred in, or a plate of red beans and rice. You'll benefit from the carbohydrates without suffering from the consequences of eating refined carbohydrates.” Also, if you sniff vanilla or lavender, it can lift your mood by releasing the production of endorphins.

Aside from endorphins, taking a hot, refreshing shower or taking several deep breaths can have a calming effect on your system. Or you could try taking melatonin, a natural hormone that helps regulate sleep. I haven’t personally taken it, but my two teenage children do—and it has helped them.

I have loved the smell of Vick’s since I was a kid. Though it’s not TECHNICALLY linked to endorphin production, experts say that its tingling, numbing sensation can be likened to the endorphin rush spice lovers get from eating hot peppers. I find that inhaling a couple times from my Vick’s container before bed calms me. Menthol addiction? Not sure—but it helps me sleep. Finding some sort of “ritual” like that, which is calming, can definitely aid in the process of sleep.

Though I don’t sleep with an animal on my bed, I will acknowledge that pets can certainly serve as a source of comfort for those with depression or anxiety.

Writing down things that you are anxious about or that “need to be done” can also help relieve some stress because, in a sense, it gets those things “out of your head.” And of course, there is nothing wrong with falling asleep praying. Philippians 4:6 instructs us, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Thank Him for EVERYTHING good you can think of, and tell Him what your concerns are—what you’d like to see be different. Ask Him to help you be calm as a parent, in your job, etc. The key then is to believe that He will answer.

Determine to encourage those you can who struggle in these emotional areas. Hebrews 3:13, NIV, says “But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called "Today," so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.” I believe that WORRY is rooted in sin. But that does not mean that we are sinning because we struggle with it. I do believe that the willful HABIT of worry CAN be sin though. There is a fine line. God WANTS us to trust Him, but we need HIS strength and HIS perspective in order to do that in all areas. The bottom line is—we DON’T want to be deceived. And I would offer that the continual, sleep-depriving cycles of worry and depression are deceptions that constantly tell us we CANNOT have the life we want.

I’m still learning to take one day at a time. In fact, I tell myself that often. No, it’s not always good to “put things on the shelf,” but it CAN be useful if it keeps one from losing sleep. “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own” (Matthew 6:34). It’s really true—those things will still be there when we wake up. We don’t change ANYTHING by worrying. But it has taken me years to begin to “get” this. Ask the Lord today to help you to internalize that truth, and ask Him to show you the right coping mechanisms (actions) to enable you to get the sleep your body needs. I don’t believe there is anything wrong with having coping mechanisms, so long as they’re not destructive. Allow others to speak into your life, and be willing to try new suggestions—or even old ones. You really don’t KNOW if they’ll work or not until you try.

When we don’t get enough sleep, we get moody and irritable. (Likewise, when we are lethargic an unproductive because of depression, that lack of activity will perpetuate itself and cause us to be morose and have ineffectual interactions with people—IF we interact at all.) I believe that getting the right amount of sleep is actually a way of guarding our hearts, so that what comes OUT of us IS a “wellspring of life,” not destruction—toward ourselves and others. Proverbs 3, the same chapter that tells us to trust in the Lord with all our hearts and not to lean on our own understanding, says in verse 21 that we need to hang onto wisdom, understanding, sound judgment, and discretion. Trust the Lord to give you understanding about YOU—and in so doing, provide you with better sleep. As you trust Him for this, He promises, “When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet” (vs. 24). Sweet dreams, beloved—that is my prayer for you today.

Day Fourteen: Panic Attacks

It’s one thing to feel afraid and know why—it’s another to feel afraid and NOT know why. Often, this is the case with a panic attack. It’s an “attack” in that it comes out of the blue and doesn’t give the object of the attack time to prepare for it—it just HAPPENS.

In the midst of sheer panic, it’s hard to believe you’re not in danger—but that’s the way OUT of a panic attack—recognizing that this is just an attack, not based in some horrible reality.

The times in I’ve had what seemed to be a panic attack, the symptoms were fairly short-lived. They began with a sudden sensation of my heart leaping in my chest—definite fear. My breathing was affected, though I don’t think I was technically hyperventilating. It is likely that what I experienced were actually bouts of extreme anxiety; though there was a panicky FEELING, I didn’t meet the criteria for a full-on panic attack.

However, I do remember in the midst of ONE of those times, praying—for God’s help and protection. When one is under ATTACK, it is hard to think about praying. But since the logic center of the brain is still intact, I would encourage those who experience panic attacks to go one step further than experts suggest—they say you must believe you are not in danger. Basically, you have to TELL YOURSELF the truth—my addition to that would be to memorize GOD’S truth—so that when you’re in that dangerous-feeling situation, you can rehearse scriptures in your mind that cause your faith to rise—thus dispelling the attack that has come against you. For example, TELL yourself Psalm 121:7, “The LORD will keep you from all harm-- he will watch over your life;’ or Psalm 18:2, “The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” Like with anxiety and depression, if you can recognize what’s really happening, you can take steps out of it—and get to the place of peace and calm.

There is much that is known about panic attacks. I encourage you to go to the following link and read the help guide. Even if YOU don’t experience panic attacks, it can help you to understand what it’s like for those who do. And if you suffer from panic attacks, you may learn something that can help you in the future.

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/panic-attacks-and-panic-disorders.htm

Feel free to share any wisdom you may have on panic attacks from personal experience. I’m sure others will benefit.

Grace and peace to you all.

Day 15: Abiding in the One Who KNOWS

What is abiding? It’s being continually aware of God’s presence—living out your day-to-day life within the crook of his arm. It’s knowing that He’s right beside you, in front of you, behind you—because you can SENSE Him, feel Him, experience Him. Jesus tells us in John 15:4, “Remain in me, as I also remain in you.” Basically we are to “stay connected” to Him—the vine.

So many things in this life work overtime to break that connection. And of course, that’s the devil’s goal—to keep us from intimacy with God. Depression and Anxiety tell us that we will never be free—that this is just our “lot in life.” These illnesses are also mindsets—and they’re also spirits—and they’re also THIEVES. They rob us of joy, purpose, hope, destiny—and so many other things God has for us.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” When we think of that well-known verse (John 10:10), we tend to think of an arbitrary or stereotypical “thief,” someone in dark clothing sneaking around in the dead of night. But if we can begin to see Anxiety and Depression as thieves, perhaps it will give us new insight into that verse.

Jesus came to give us a FULL LIFE. What does “full” mean? It means “completely filled; containing all that can be held; filled to utmost capacity.” Does that sound like the life lived in submission to Anxiety and Depression?

The key to “life to the full” is found in God’s presence. Believe me—I get it; it’s easier said than done. When we’re chronically depressed, we don’t just see the glass as half-empty—the glass is BROKEN! Or we don’t even HAVE a glass! And in the throes of anxiety, we can’t FOCUS on the present glass because we’re still fretting over the last time the glass was half-empty. And we’re AFRAID of what tomorrow’s glass may hold…or NOT hold.

But if we can step outside our circumstances for just a MOMENT, God wants to give us a brand new, FULL glass. We don’t have to keep living the same patterns over and over. But the only way to change it is to add a fresh design. Jesus is the keeper of that design. And He wants to keep adding to it and embellishing it until there is no more room for the old pattern.

Begin to thank Him. Begin to praise Him. You may FEEL like you have nothing to thank Him for—but just begin, even if your heart’s not in it at first. Thank Him for salvation, protection, a home, food, clothing, family, friends, creation. Thank Him that He hears the cry of your heart, EVEN when you’re too weak to utter it. He KNOWS.

Let this song by Jeremy Camp minister to your heart today—and cause you to lift your face to heaven—to the one who wants to dry every tear and just be NEAR you. Abide with Him in this moment. And may you have many, many more.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOWqbUd3yJc&spfreload=10

Freedom From Depression and Anxiety: Traveling the Road WITH You - Days 6-10

Day Six: Deliverance, Honor, Salvation

Finally, the last three verses of Psalm 91. Apply these verse to God rescuing YOU from the pit of anxiety and/or depression you’ve been in.

¹⁴ “Because he^[b] loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;
    I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
¹⁵ He will call on me, and I will answer him;
    I will be with him in trouble,
    I will deliver him and honor him.
¹⁶ With long life I will satisfy him
    and show him my salvation.”

When God says “Because he loves me,” I don’t think He’s saying our rescue is based on what we DO—but it’s a natural result of a relationship with Him. So it’s like He’s saying, “Because he has a relationship with me, of course I’ll come to his rescue [or hers].” Just like you would for a friend, right? He promises to be with us in trouble, and not only to DELIVER us, but to HONOR us. God doesn’t want us stuck in a place of shame and regret. He wants to lift our heads and show us that we’re actually….royalty. He is going to use our victories to bring honor to HIM—and in so doing, WE will be honored as well.

I think the part about “long life” can really apply to the issues of depression and anxiety. When God becomes more and more our source, I believe our lives can actually be lengthened. Constant worry and stress causes physical effects and can actually cut our lives SHORT.

Sometimes we want the “quick deliverance,” but we aren’t patient enough to allow God to SHOW us His salvation. He wants us to be able to look back to where we were and see how FAR we’ve come! That can only happen as we foster our love relationship with HIM. It’s like when you’ve known someone a long time, the bond strengthens and you make a lot of memories. The Father wants to recount memories with us and show us that He has been faithful and that we ARE truly recipients of salvation—not just our spirits, but our SOULS as well—the way we think, act, and live out our lives. Jesus came to save to the UTTERMOST—in every possible way.

I hope that you will consider praying: “God, I’ve been living a fearful and mediocre life. Show me the way out, and help me to take note of all of the ways in which you are saving me on this journey. Remind me of your love for me. You are my deliverer, and I put my trust in you today. I know I won’t be perfect at it, but I want to trust you. My journey will not look like anyone else’s, but I honestly want for me what YOU want. Thank you for being WITH me each step of the way. I know this battle won’t be won by might nor power of my own but by your SPIRIT that dwells within me. I will not be ashamed for coming to you again and again for help—because that is who you ARE—my very present help in trouble. Thank you, Lord, for seeing me—and for seeing me through. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

Day Seven: Triggers and Contributors – The Cycle

What may trigger depression and anxiety can be different things for different people. I am very sensitive and influenced by smells. I have determined that kiwi-scented V05 conditioner smells enough like those little black ants that I think about it every time I use it. For that, I can employ mind over matter, but for other things it’s much harder. The smells of a dirty bathroom really have a negative effect on me—I immediately feel a sense of heaviness (depression). If it’s MY bathroom—and I’ve let it get to an overwhelming level of dirtiness—that just compounds my feelings of depression and gives me anxiety as well. Every time I go in, I’m thinking of how dirty it is, which makes it seem like “too much” for me to clean BECAUSE I’m feeling overwhelmed by it. Depression and anxiety create a vicious cycle.

Anxiety can be triggered by others’ negativity. It may not even be EXTREME negativity—but just enough to frustrate and bring on anxiety. For me, when this happens, it affects my relationship with that person and causes me to have less emotional trust for them.

Depression can be triggered by jealousy. Perhaps you perceive that friend X has a better relationship with friend Y than he or she does with YOU. There are other feelings involved as well—like insecurity; feelings of unworthiness (this is mostly from the enemy, whispering to you that no one REALLY wants to be that close to you); even feelings of shame that you struggle with depression—so therefore, you reason that you will never be the kind of friend people want to invest in—sure, they may invest in you, but you reason that it’s probably because they feel sorry for you. In this way, even the COMPASSION of others can be an unrecognized trigger.

I want to quote something from a health challenge I’m currently a part of. I believe “health” applies to all aspects of our lives: “When you start to address your fears and change your life for the better, you will feel free. Yes, more fears will arise. Yes, "bad" things will happen. Yes, difficulty will always present itself…But you'll realize that the paralysis that fear causes is worse than any pain that fear can inflict. You'll experience good things alongside the bad, and things will get easier.” Isn’t that the truth? Anxiety is rooted in fear, and though depression may not be ROOTED there, fear reinforces it—fear that others see you a certain way; fear of people KNOWING what you’re really going through and what they might think if they knew—the list goes on and on.

I know that paralysis—and it’s awful. Knowing what some of these “triggers” are and working to overcome them can help us to move forward, OUT of the paralyzing effects of our anxiety and depression. But we have to be willing.

Questions/responses for today: 

1.       Are you willing to learn to see yourself in a new way?

2.       Ask the Lord: What is the truth about me? Let Him speak to your heart. If you’re hearing something negative, it’s not from Him. Write down at least three things that are true about you, whether you feel you believe them or not.

3.       With God’s help, declare them over yourself. For example, “I am a good mom.” That may be something you really struggle with, as I have—the enemy wants you to believe you’re a failure in EVERY area, thus perpetuating and triggering that cycle.

4.       Are you ready for that cycle to come to an end?

Day Eight: Resting in God

Today, I’d like you to watch this video. If you’ve never just sat in God’s presence, just to experience Him, you can learn a little bit about how to do just that. The term commonly used for it is “soaking.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdMjfc7t8X0&spfreload=10

Graham says a few things I’d like to highlight, in terms of our journey out of anxiety and/or depression. He explains the reason for resting in this way: “When your mind and your emotions are pressured—and you’re feeling overwhelmed, your WILL defaults to a negative—pretty much all the time. Resting REMOVES that pressure and opens you up to the person of God.” God is a PERSON. And He’s the most IMPORTANT person for us to open ourselves up to.

Soaking, as Graham points out, “makes our inner man accessible to the joyful nature of God.” Particularly if you’ve struggled with anxiety or depression in your life, learning how to experience JOY is something you have to actually practice; you must be intentional about it. Being with God through soaking is a great start.

Graham says, “We GROW into a place of overcoming.” Notice he says that we GROW into it—we don’t automatically begin to experience it just because we try it out. Resting through soaking takes practice. Graham talks about some of the results—how we will begin to SEE ourselves from God’s perspective. That is key—isn’t HIS perspective the one we ultimately want for our lives?

I love the analogy Graham gives of “marinating in the Spirit.” It’s not simply sitting and then going away frustrated because ‘I was here, God—I showed up—I sat here waiting, but I didn’t feel anything.’ Soaking in His presence is a totally NEW place to be. There is no agenda, no outcome we are “shooting for,” no prescribed set of feelings we need to feel in order to deem the time spent as having been “worthwhile.” We simply enjoy who our God is—and HOW He is, with us.

Commit to soaking at least once over the next seven days, using Graham’s tips as a guide.

Day Nine: The Uncommon and the Common

There’s no anxiety or depression profile that is common to ALL people, but there are some things that are true ABOUT anxiety and depression that do apply across the board, the primary of which is that they are thieves—and they will rob you of life. Sound familiar in any way? “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;…” (John 10:10a). But Jesus is the remedy—the restorer of all that the thief has taken: “…I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10b).

When people make assumptions about what we’re going through, they generally MEAN well. Even if they have no clue, the most important thing is that we look for Jesus in every situation. And He can still use those who’ve had NO experience with anxiety or depression to love us and speak life to us. He wants us to have a FULL life—it’s what He gave HIS for. Have you stopped to think about that—that Jesus DIED for you to be free from anxiety/depression?

Especially remember not to push away the love of those closest to you—that love represents JESUS. And these are people HE’S given you. Thank God for them.

YOU are uncommon—unique; God sees YOU as an individual and cares about every detail of your life. What IS common—no matter who you are—is that God LOVES you. But He works in each of our lives in a very UNCOMMON, non-standard way—remember, He knows what we need before we even ask, so He’s constantly orchestrating events in our lives to bring us life.

Remember also that Jesus was tempted in every way yet did not sin. That means He was also tempted to fall into the pits of anxiety and depression—yet He overcame those things. He had MANY reasons and times where it would have been understandable for Him to take those things on. But He didn’t. Why? For the love of US. He wanted a FULL victory for us—that’s what He paid for; that’s what’s available to us.

Day Ten: The Process: Falling, Healing, Walking

You may fall 10,000 times…but there will come a day—if you really want your freedom and continue to fight for it—that you’ll notice you DIDN’T fall. You’ll be amazed that you’re actually standing, facing fears, wrestling giants—that you could not have faced or bested before. It’ll take you by surprise, as it did me. ‘So THIS is what freedom feels like,’ you’ll think to yourself. You may actually get a bit giddy.

In the meantime, sometimes it’s just HARD to keep going—to keep BELIEVING. I used to even project my depression onto…everything! I’d say things like “Things are never gonna change,” and I’d put heavy expectations on my husband because, well, if he took CARE of certain things, I probably wouldn’t be so depressed. But I’ve learned that though I ALLOWED things that “bugged” me to contribute to my depression, they weren’t the SOURCE of it—and taking care of them did not “fix” it.

There are roots that go deep. You may know some—even many—of them, but some you may be completely unaware of. Ask the Lord to help you find those roots—and to empower you to UPROOT them. Maybe there’s unforgiveness; perhaps there’s been past abuse; it’s quite possible that the dysfunctions of your family of origin affected how you “deal” with life and respond to stressors. God WILL show you what needs to be done—but don’t forget…it’s a process. But today the healing can BEGIN. If you’ve told the Lord that’s what you want—and you meant it—I have no doubt that He’ll meet you and show you the answers you seek. Tune in to Him. Walking it out may not be easy, but nobody learns to walk without falling down. That’s why it’s such a victory in the end.

Freedom From Depression and Anxiety: Traveling the Road WITH You - Days 1-5

Day One: The Source of Our Depths vs. The Depth of Our SOURCE

There are multiple reasons we become anxious and/or depressed. Some of it may stem from experiences in childhood; it can come from environment; some of us have a personality bent toward a certain way of looking at the world that veers to the worrisome or negative. Depression can be a response to feelings of guilt and shame. There are many, many reasons we feel the way that we do. The question is…what are we going to do when that happens? Or if it’s happening all the TIME?

One of the first things that is important to realize is that others DO understand the way you feel. It’s true that NO ONE has had the exact same experiences as you, but it’s also true that if you’ve battled depression or anxiety, you understand what it feels like. One of our enemy’s favorite tactics is to isolate each individual by getting them to believe they are THE ONLY ONE who has ever felt this way and that NO ONE understands. Well, no one may understand EXACTLY, but that’s because they CAN’T—no one has walked in anyone else’s shoes. But…they CAN understand experientially the feelings of hopelessness, despair, and anguish that come along with it. We just reason that it’s not possible—because then we can wallow in our pain (don’t mean to sound harsh—just being real, because I’ve done my share of wallowing)—and the enemy can keep us isolated from connection and healthy relationships.

And of course, God DOES understand. But many times, we think even HE doesn’t get it. This is another lie to keep us from getting free—because it keeps us from connecting with GOD!

Secondly, those of us who feel depressed—or spend a lot of time in worry—reason, after a while, that we BELONG where we’re at. Think about this for a moment—how many of us, if we noticed ourselves walking on the edge of a pit, would willingly CHOOSE to step off the edge and fall into it? But that’s what we often do, as we’ve allowed the enemy to warp our thinking over time. Since we haven’t been ABLE to get free, we must DESERVE to be in this pit. That too is a hell-born lie. We DON’T belong in a pit! And we CAN experience freedom. We have to stop listening to the enemy’s “solutions;” they just keep us bound and feeling pathetic.

This brings me to my final point for the day. A perpetuator of chronic, ongoing and persistent, anxiety and depression is the belief that we need to do life on our own strength. I know it’s cliché in the Christian world to hear things like “You can’t do it on your own strength” or “God is our strength.” But it’s really true. When we try, we fail—and then we become MORE anxious and MORE depressed—because we weren’t able to be strong ENOUGH. And thus the willful rolling back into that pit we keep finding ourselves in. We will NEVER be stronger than the Lord, and He NEVER intended us to be. If He is to be the strength in our lives, we have to give Him our whole hearts—WHOLEHEARTEDLY. Psalm 73:26 says, “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Our PORTION is not to be in a pit. GOD is actually our portion—to have HIM at the core of everything we do in life, as our deepest, most intricately woven source of strength.

Over the next few weeks, we’ll talk about how to get there. But if there’s one thing I’d like you to take away from today’s post, it’s this—your Father God is after your heart—and He knows it completely. Take comfort in that today, no matter what you are going through. If you can believe that, you can move forward, even if it’s by a mere fraction of a millimeter. Even if it’s just turning your face upward for a moment to consider the possibility—it’s all significant to Him. He sees your heart, and He loves you.

Day Two: Sheltered and Covered

Whether it’s anxiety, depression, or both that you’re dealing with in your life—as I believe they tend to go hand in hand—God wants to rescue you. You may read that and think ‘I wish that were possible’ or ‘Not even HE can rescue me.’ Please be willing to let Him try. J

Today, I’m going to ask you to read the first half of Psalm 91. There’s a lot in there, so we’ll take it piece by piece. Get out a journal or some paper. I want you to process through some questions with me. There are no right or wrong answers. It’s okay to think big—God is pretty okay with BIG.

Psalm 91

¹ Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.^[a]
2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust.”

Question 1: What do you think it means to rest in God’s shelter?

Question 2: How is that different from simply doing the same things you’ve always done? (Have you actually BEEN resting all this time? What would it look like to do so?)

³ Surely he will save you
    from the fowler’s snare
    and from the deadly pestilence.

Question 3: What has been one of the main fowler’s “snares” in your life? What is something he uses against you that you seem to always fall for that is a sure way to get you depressed or overly anxious (i.e., a “deadly pestilence”) (this could be a thought pattern—and likely IS)?

⁴ He will cover you with his feathers,
    and under his wings you will find refuge;
    his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

Picture this—God COVERING you—and how SAFE that would feel. This is a declaration. I challenge you to make it personal, even if you don’t FEEL it right now—or you think it could be YEARS down the road—or you don’t see (in your own logic) a way for it to EVER happen: Read it out loud, and change “you” to “me” or “I and “your” to “my” as you read it.

Question 4: Look up the word “shield” and the word “rampart.” What meanings do they have that could be applied to God?

God’s loving desire IS for you to be under His covering—to be comforted in all your ways—to be able to truly REST in Him. I’d like to share a poem that I wrote several years ago. As you read it, picture God like a loving mother, tucking you in, making sure all is safe around you—His presence strong in the room so that there is absolutely no fear that is able to get in, no thought that can keep your mind awake. You are completely peaceful. Begin to picture yourself experiencing this kind of comfort.

What Could be More Comforting?

What could be more comforting

than to be under His covering?

In His cloak of loving protection

may you soak in His affection

His peace will blanket you as you sleep

His child, in His arms He'll keep

What could be more comforting

than to be under His covering?

For in his hands, He holds your heart,

His tears falling on the broken parts

He shares in all the pain you feel

Through darkest night, He'll be there still

What could be more comforting

than to be under His covering?

Jesus died for such a time as this,

that all your sorrows may be His

So tenderly, He meets you there

In loving knowledge, to cover each care

What could be more comforting

than to be under His covering?

A bright day shines ahead for you,

a time your precious Lord foreknew,

a place where sadness turns to joy

Trust in God Who Sees, El Roi

What could be more comforting

than to be under His covering?

For God will shadow you, His own

His wings do not grow tired or worn

In love, He holds you to His breast

His love surrounds you - in Him rest

What could be more comforting

than to be under His covering?

Day Three: Using Our Identity Weapon

Today we will read verses 5-6 of Psalm 91. Write your question answers in your journal or on paper.

⁵ You will not fear the terror of night,
    nor the arrow that flies by day,

Question 1: What seems to “creep up” on you in your life or terrifies you the most? (For example: For me, life responsibilities—even simple ones—seem to creep up on me all the time, threatening to overwhelm me at any moment and cause me to want to retreat; sometimes I get terrified—kind of comes as a “panic moment” where my heart leaps in my chest—of not being able to do the things I need to do. I know I CAN’T afford to freeze up and shut down, but it feels like I’m going to sometimes, and that’s a scary feeling.)

Question 2: In your life, what “arrows” does the enemy use to try and wear down your resistance? (For me, it’s often little irritations that serve to get me agitated; that agitation is followed by feeling that things are “out of balance,” and then the enemy will try and reinforce THAT with the message that I’m a failure…basically, at LIFE.)

⁶ nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
    nor the plague that destroys at midday.

Question 3: Is there a “pestilence” that seeks to destroy you when all is quiet—for many, it IS at night—where your mind just gets going and a barrage of worrisome or fearful thoughts assault you? What do you DO when that happens?

That last question is a really important one. We KNOW there are messages coming at us, and we KNOW they don’t come from God—so what SHOULD we do with them? Honestly, we need to INTENTIONALLY and ACTIVELY throw them back to the pit of hell. But do we, most often? The reason we don’t is that we agree with at least some of what we’re hearing—we’ve heard these lies so long, they seem true!

And our defenses have been so weakened that we don’t have the urge, energy, or spirit needed to fight. But what we must realize is that it IS a battle, and our LIVES are on the line. And…we’ve been given the tools to fight! Once we can truly SEE what the enemy is doing—what he is robbing us of—something rises up in us. Our identity in Christ surfaces, and we see the injustice of all Satan has tried to use against us. We become vigilant, and we begin to FIGHT.

I did not get this for the LONGEST time—and some days, I don’t walk in it. But the truth is, it was for FREEDOM that Christ set me free. He KNOWS what the enemy will try to do with that! And so the weapons He’s given me are MIGHTY. The same is true of you. But the devil wants you to forget that you HAVE these weapons—or to get you to see them as simply relics, dusty antiques on a shelf, reminiscent of a time long past but not useful for your present circumstances.

Your most effective weapon is KNOWING WHO YOU ARE.

God says THIS is who you are. 

• a child of God.

But to all who have received him--those who believe in his name--he has given the right to become God's children … (John 1:12).

• a friend of Jesus.

I no longer call you slaves, because the slave does not understand what his master is doing. But I have called you friends, because I have revealed to you everything I heard from my Father (John 15:15).

• not under condemnation.

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1).

• a fellow heir with Christ.

And if children, then heirs (namely, heirs of God and also fellow heirs with Christ)--if indeed we suffer with him so we may also be glorified with him (Romans 8:17).

• a temple of the Holy Spirit.

Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you (1 Corinthians 6:19)?

• the righteousness of God in Christ.

God made the one who did not know sin to be sin for us, so that in him we would become the righteousness of God (2 Corinthians 5:21).

• set free in Christ.

For freedom Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not be subject again to the yoke of slavery (Galatians 5:1).

• chosen, holy, and blameless before God.

For he chose us in Christ before the foundation of the world that we may be holy and unblemished in his sight in love (Ephesians 1:4).

• God’s workmanship, created to produce good works.

For we are his workmanship, having been created in Christ Jesus for good works that God prepared beforehand so we may do them (Ephesians 2:10).

• one who possesses boldness and confident access to God through faith in Christ.

… In whom we have boldness and confident access to God because of Christ's faithfulness (Ephesians 3:12).

• a partaker of the peace of God.

And the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:7).

• Christ is my life, and I will be revealed with Him in glory.

When Christ (who is your life) appears, then you too will be revealed in glory with him (Colossians 3:4).

• chosen of God, and dearly loved.

Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with a heart of mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience … (Colossians 3:12).

It may feel odd at first, but when thoughts come that don’t line up with these scriptures, I encourage you to—OUT LOUD—begin declaring the truth of GOD’S words over yourself. For example, if you are feeling like a failure, you may start declaring, “I am God’s workmanship, and I was created to do good works.” Then ask Him to give you the strength—and the FREEDOM to carry out those things He’s got planned for you to do.

Remember that this is a PROCESS. Our minds have been “on the throne” for so long in some areas, we’ve forgotten how to give way to the Spirit—or maybe we’ve never learned how. I believe He wants to teach us—and I know because it’s become more and more true in my own life.

Day 4: Making the Lord our Shelter: Weed Control

Read Psalm 91: verses 7-8.

⁷ A thousand may fall at your side,
    ten thousand at your right hand,
    but it will not come near you.
⁸ You will only observe with your eyes
    and see the punishment of the wicked.

When the Lord is truly our shelter, it doesn’t matter what the enemy tries to bring against us—it’ll be like we’re watching it on a big screen—we know that we are safe, under God’s covering. But what about when the battlefield is your own mind?

Well, if you keep the same strategy you’ve always used, nothing will change. You will go on feeling defeated—anxious, pathetic, full of sorrow, in pain, confused, overwhelmed—or whatever adjectives you may choose that speak to your experience. Maybe even despising your life. Making the Lord our SHELTER begins with believing that He HAS the answers—and that He WANTS to share them with us.

What I want to say here is something simple yet VITAL. You know how grass can feel under your feet when it’s freshly mowed? It makes for a nice outdoor “picnic” or playtime. You can set out the lawn chairs and enjoy the sunshine—or a fire pit at night. But…if you leave those lawn chairs sitting and never mow the grass again, over time, the grass—and weeds— will grow up AROUND the chairs so that eventually you won’t be able to see them. The chairs represent YOU—where you’ve been “sitting.” The lesson is this: if you stay in one place long enough, whatever is around you begins to encroach—and can eventually take over.

Let me explain. If we KEEP doing the same things we’ve always done—going through the same cycles of thoughts and behaviors without taking care of our environment (and by this I mean the “spiritual environment” around us), we will be like the lawn chairs I was describing—lost in an ever-growing “jungle” of grass and weeds. Grass can be wonderful when cared for, but even those things that are wonderful are lost in the throes of depression and anxiety. And that’s when the weeds begin to come. I would call the “weeds” the things the enemy uses to KEEP us in that place of struggle—maybe it feels like you’re always overwhelmed and anxiously spinning your wheels, unable to “keep up” the way others do. Or maybe you deal with persistent hopelessness and despair. Whatever “level” your grass is at—there are weeds Satan will send to reinforce that mental imprisonment. And, like the lawn chairs, you’ll eventually be lost in the tangle of it all.

I don’t want to leave you with THAT thought. There IS hope. God wants to rescue you and show you a new way to live. Let that be your prayer today. And today, when those thoughts come—determine to do something DIFFERENT. Perhaps “different” for you would be writing down your thoughts, or going outside for a brief walk, or choosing something healthy over the cookies you were about to grab. But one thing that needs to change is our belief that it CAN change—and that God wants to help us get our “grass” under control so that life is an enjoyable thing—the blessing He intended it to be. It may sound impossible right now. But I assure you, it’s not. God has our shelter available. THAT is the only place we will find true refuge, the one place we can stay where weeds will not shoot up around us and we don’t need to be fearful of what lies ahead.

Day Five: Letting Go and Getting to Know

We’re getting close to the end of Psalm 91. It’s such an amazing piece of victorious scripture—if we can only get ahold of its truths and begin to believe them for ourselves. Let’s read verses 9-13.

⁹ If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,”
    and you make the Most High your dwelling,
¹⁰ no harm will overtake you,
    no disaster will come near your tent.
¹¹ For he will command his angels concerning you
    to guard you in all your ways;
¹² they will lift you up in their hands,
    so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
¹³ You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
    you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

‘These are great promises,’ you may say, ‘but HOW do I make the Most High my dwelling?’ It didn’t happen overnight for me. In fact, I’m still LEARNING to make Him my dwelling. He is a place of peace that assures me He is on my side, on top of everything I could POSSIBLY be worried or depressed about, and that He loves me—He’s faithful—and I can trust Him. Many of us know those things are true…but we haven’t believed them in our hearts—in the CORE of who we are.

For me, it’s been through years of situations in which I had literally NO CHOICE but to put my trust in Him that I’ve begun to internalize the truth of who He is. It was kind of like one day I looked at the circumstances in my life and said “why am I struggling? God is faithful. He’s NEVER let me down, even when I’ve FELT like He has.”

And God also gave me a revelation of something I needed to do from my heart. Often, we can understand those things better if we get a visual. He showed me a vision in my mind of someone I love falling into a dark abyss. I was holding on tight, wanting to save that person. And the Lord spoke gently to me and said I needed to let go. In the vision, I did—but I didn’t feel like that person was “lost” forever—I felt UNCOMFORTABLE in some ways—yes. But ultimately He began to show me more and more that I was not the one in control. I couldn’t fix anything in regard to the situation that had been plaguing me. I needed to give that all to Him.

This vision has applied to many OTHER things in my life as well. I’ve hung on so tightly that it has taken all my mental energy—and sucked away the physical energy as well. Each time I’ve tried to grab back the control—to begin worrying and rehearsing things again in my brain—God has reminded me that He’s “got this.” If you ask Him to show you HIS plans regarding the things you are anxious over—and you quiet yourself enough to listen—I believe you will hear Him; and He’ll show you more over time. You may not have all the answers at once. But even just telling Him that you know you need Him and that you want to draw closer—that’s a start! He is not condemning you, and so DON’T condemn yourself. That has taken me many years to learn. He just wants relationship with me—and IN that relationship is fullness of life! I don’t have to “measure up” to some self-perceived standard; I just need to get to know Him. As YOU do this, you truly will begin to TRAMPLE on the enemy and thwart his plans.