If You Love Me...Squeeze My Foot

Large feet and wide feet tend to run in our family—my dad always told me I had “a good under-standing.” In general, we like our feet to be massaged or to receive relaxing pedicures. I’m just going to tell you up front—our family has expressive feet. Some of us show it with fun socks, some with flashy shoes, some by popping our toes. At least one of us has feet that are often moving—usually happily bouncing—because something funny happened or just because of a good mood.

But there’s one sole member who uses feet to both convey and receive feelings of affection. To Kalina, proper acknowledgement of one’s feet is a way of communicating love—it is reassuring, accepting, and comforting. And just what is the proper acknowledgement? Well, Kalina loves to have one of her parents reach out and grab her outstretched foot. Always at the toes—and she must feel the “squish” so she can revel in the somewhat-obscure yet happiness-inducing feeling for at least a few seconds.

Rather than dismissing this process, I have chosen to both participate in and try to understand the significance of the foot-grabbing ritual. Grabbing my Kalina’s foot, I’ve learned, says many things: I notice you—right down to the tips of your toes; I’m willing to have fun with you; and it speaks a kind of comfort which could be interpreted as “I’ve got you” (i.e., I acknowledge and support you), “I care about you deeply and fully,” “There is nothing to worry about,” or “You are special to me” (and so I will show my love to you in this non-standard and personally meaningful way).

Although grabbing someone’s foot while he or she is sleeping is an obvious attempt at scaring the person, grabbing the foot of an awake individual could signify the opposite—making the person feel at ease and even protected. Interestingly, in India touching an elder’s feet is a sign of respect and is accompanied by the elder placing a hand on the younger person’s head and pronouncing a blessing upon him or her. The message conveyed in the touching of the feet is a significant one.

When I squeeze my daughter’s foot, it constitutes an exclusive type of hug—like a wink, it carries unspoken adoration and fondness; it’s like a secret club “foot-shake” that says “you belong; I accept all of you; only you get this kind of special kind of affection; I’m happy that you’re here—walking through this life with me; I’m proud to claim you as “mine” from head to toe.”

What is the significance of ‘feet’? Biblically speaking, feet can denote worship or reverence (as in Exodus, when God tells Moses to remove his sandals because he is on holy ground), servant-hood or being a disciple (Luke 10:39; Psalm 40:2), defeat of the enemy (Psalms and Joshua both talk about placing one’s foot on the enemy’s neck), or submission one to another/servitude (like when Jesus washed His disciples’ feet). The Bible also references feet when it talks about walking in faith, walking in love, and our steps being ordered of the Lord. Beautiful feet are said to be those that “bring good news” (Isaiah 52:7; Romans 10:15). Feet take us places—and where we go can be very monumental in our lives or the lives of others (think of the Prodigal Son or Moses leading the Israelites across the Red Sea). We need to pay attention to our “spiritual feet.”

In the natural, the feet support one’s whole body—and they’re very sensitive to physical stress. Each foot contains 26 bones; 33 joints; more than 100 tendons, muscles, and ligaments; and 250,000 sweat glands. Obviously, they were very carefully and conscientiously designed.

We like our feet to be comfortable, sufficiently warm, and have plenty of room. Representatively, the “parental foot squeeze” says “you can relax and feel safe here; this is a warm and friendly place;” and—“there will always be room for you in this family—to learn, to grow, and to simply have a toe-wiggling good time.”

I’m not sure exactly how the “foot squeeze” thing got started—but what I do know is that to my little girl, it’s every bit as important as having her favorite meal cooked, watching one of her “unwind” movies when her brain gets too stretched, or sleeping with her special pillow. Dr. Seuss devoted an entire children’s book to “feet,” which points out their diversity with “How many, many feet you meet.” We are each uniquely crafted and special. Don’t ever miss an opportunity to say “I love you for the wonder that is you,” even if you have to squish some toes to say it.

Sunday Secrets: Secretly

Most of the time when people say “secretly” it’s for one of these reasons:

A)     They’re expressing something they’ve always wanted but felt they would never get.

B)      What they’re sharing is highly confidential, and they feel they can trust you with it.

C)      It’s not really a “secret” but rather a desire they are, for whatever reason, proudly sharing.

Personally, I’ve secretly wanted a few things in my life. Here are a few of them:

I secretly wanted four children—sort of achieved that—one is in heaven, and three are here. But I always wanted to raise four. Perhaps it’s because my mom originally wanted four but had to settle for one, and I picked up that desire. Bringing up three was pretty busy and full, but I’ve often wondered what it would have been like with four around.

Though it wasn’t such a secret then, over the years I’ve spoken less and less of my early desire to become a professional singer. Singing is something I still very much enjoy, and I hope that I can be a part of a worship team again at some point—and maybe even do “special music” sometime. In the meantime, it’s time for another karaoke trip.

Though it’s not a “secret” per say, I do find that people are often surprised when they find out my dream car is a Hummer. Preferably black. This secret falls under category A—not sure I will ever actually get one, but it’s fun to dream of it.

Finally…I had a secret desire since my teenhood to marry a man who was around six inches taller than me. A bonafide “tall guy.” But alas, I fell in love with a man less than four inches taller than me. The height thing didn’t seem so important anymore.

So, there you go—my secret life—If I’d had four kids I would have quadrupled my parents’ offspring—but as it was, I felt incredibly accomplished as an only child raising three. I love to sing and would welcome more public singing opportunities. I’d be elated to own my own Hummer. And though I had previously wished for a taller husband, I’m happily keeping the one I’ve got.

Friday Fortunes: Fortune for the Future

“Fortune” has to do with one’s providence or destiny—or it can also relate to wealth, property, or possessions. I believe that there is a lot of cross-over among these two categories when we look at the whole of our lives. Though I am not wealthy in the monetary sense of the word, I do have some possessions that represent great fortune to me—they are significant, and my life would not have been as rich without them. These possessions are generally associated with special people in my life, who represent God’s providence—He has put specific people in my life for specific reasons, and me in their lives. Which brings me back to wealth—I am wealthy in relationships.

At my fortieth birthday party, I had an impressive turn-out. Someone gave me a great compliment about the type of friend I am—evidenced by the longevity of my relationships. I can only conclude that I am a person of extreme fortune. I have a destiny that involves connecting with people and spurring others on in the Lord. I have a wonderful, full life, and I am blessed in countless ways in my daily life.

I believe fortune can be reduced to simple financial resources. But I like to think of it as more of a lifestyle—one we can only live if we are willing to see ourselves as God’s precious children whom He wants to provide for in astounding ways—giving vision for the future as well as the means for us to be the future. Fortune carries with it a responsibility to know who we are and live a life that seeks to share the wealth we have received—“pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you” (Luke 6:38).

Thursday Thrillers: The Reward of Well-placed Effort: Part I

I missed a lot of school in my elementary years…and my middle school years…and not quite as much during my high school years, with the exception of my senior year. It took me a long time to figure out that if I wanted good grades on my report card I’d have to put forth the effort to obtain them.

As it turned out, I didn’t have to work too hard in high school to achieve respectable grades—I graduated third in my class. It was once I got to college, though, that I began to feel the pressure to truly go above and beyond in my studies. My grade-point average dropped each term, and I began to feel a sense of despair. It became clear that “taking the high road” would mean taking what seemed like a step backward—attending community college for a while.

After about five terms in this much-milder-paced environment, I was ready to return to “the big leagues.” I found myself much more prepared and ready to challenge my abilities. I dove into projects and deadlines with gusto—and I even got an A in a modern history course (Twentieth Century Studies)!

Every person’s path to achievement is different. For me, university was a wake-up call. It wasn’t that I wasn’t “cut out” for it—it was that I hadn’t been fully prepared for it. As a return student, I had a new appreciation for course content, a stronger set of study strategies, and a fresh drive and momentum. I finally appreciated the value of a well-earned A. Or B, for that matter—but I pushed for as many A’s as I could get.

In my initial setback I learned some important lessons. Reaching a higher standard is worth a little humility. Responsibility and ingenuity—when applied well on a relatively small scale—could be more easily implemented and developed on a much larger scale. And…perspective gives you wings.

Wednesday Wonders: The Wonder of His Grace

Have you ever thought to yourself (in an “I’m certainly above that” kind of way) how unbelievably appalling someone’s behavior is—or even gone so far as to scoff at or sort of look down on them because of it? Most of us would be ashamed to admit it—but we probably have done it. When we do that, I believe our attitude does not reflect God’s heart for that person. Ironically, when we behave in that way, we are forgetting the very vehicle of our “new life in Christ”—grace.

“For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.…” (Ephesians 2:8-9). It’s not of us, so how can we act as if we’re somehow better than anyone else? We become like the Pharisee, who stood by himself and prayed, 'God, I thank you that I am not like other people--robbers, evildoers, adulterers--or even like this tax collector’ (Luke 18:11).

Perhaps we haven’t committed the same sins or been involved in the same negative behaviors (or maybe we have but have forgotten the “log” that was in our own eye), but we certainly could have been. We’ve all fallen short of God’s grace in one way or another, and often we fail to acknowledge all the potential hardship it has prevented us from—thus the well-known idiom, ‘There but for the grace of God go I.’ This means, essentially, “I would likely have experienced or done the same bad thing if God had not been watching over me.”

Paul clearly states in I Corinthians 15:10 that all he had become was not because of himself—but because of God’s grace: “But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them--yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me.” Paul was abundantly grateful of and aware of God’s grace in his life, marveling often at where he had been and where he could have ended up apart from God’s redeeming grace. None of us truly knows in what situation we may have found ourselves if Christ had not, through grace, taken hold of us (Philippians 3:12).

And so, Paul admonishes the Roman believers (chapter 12, verse 3) “…not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.” And the credit for this urging goes to “the grace given unto [him].” Grace is God’s operational power—it is the means by which we are saved, as well as the means by which we serve the Lord—this can include discipling others, evangelism, ministering to the poor, etc.—anything God tells us to do requires His grace in order to accomplish it.

So when grace is not being activated—i.e., we are walking in pride and judgment of others—it would seem that the converse would also be true, that exercising a lack of grace enables us to do what God asks us not to do. In Matthew 7:1-2, Jesus says, ““Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” Ouch. A lack of grace seems to go hand-in-hand with a lack of compassion—and therefore, mercy. This type of hypocritical judgment (remember, it’s an attitude of the heart) is contrary to the character of God. He is “gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love” (Psalm 145:8).

I’m not saying that we ignore destructive patterns if we can lovingly assist someone in altering them—free of judgment. Neither am I saying that we should allow ourselves to be abused or our healthy boundaries to be trampled on. What I am saying is that if the Lord’s mercies are new every morning, shouldn’t ours be also? And won’t more grace abound in our lives as we extend His grace to others? “Cast your bread upon the waters, for after many days you will find it again. Give portions to seven, yes to eight, for you do not know what disaster may come upon the land” (Ecclesiastes 11:1-2) means, figuratively, that if one shows liberal generosity it will be returned to him or her at a time when it is most needed. Do we not all desire grace to abound in our lives? Let us then be generous in our distribution of it—for it truly is a wonder, both to give and to receive.