"Unique" Times Three

 

Recently I asked my three kids (ages 22, 18, and 14) to answer some questions. I gave each of them a “survey” without telling them I was giving it to all three. I thought it would be fun to compare their answers. If anything, it has simply served to confirm the fact that each of my children is incredibly unique.

My first question asked for an opinion as to which of them was most stubborn. The oldest (Kristiana) voted for the youngest (Josiah), the middle child (Kalina) voted for herself, and the youngest child (Josiah) felt it might be a toss-up between him and the middle sibling (Kalina).

Traits my kids feel they got from me that they wish they hadn’t include being too good at grammar, worrying about everything, and struggling with weight/eating right. I have to say that I’ve made a lot of progress with those last two—but I know I set a poor example as my children were growing up. And as for grammar…how can one be “too good” at that? 

The third question of the survey was ‘How do you describe your mom to people who haven’t met her?’ One said that people don’t usually ask about me. Well, alrighty then. Other responses include “an English teacher and writer, extremely patient, sweet, and religious” and “a sweet and kind person who loves the Lord, and she is a great writer.” I wouldn’t call myself “religious,” but I would hope that I am “devoted”—not to a set of rules or system of religion but to Jesus himself; and yes, I do try to be sweet, patient, and kind.

Complete the following sentence: When I was a kid, I thought the greatest food was… Josiah said: “Candy.” (I think he still does.) Kalina said: “Macaroni.” Kristiana said: “Fruity Pebbles.”

Funny memories from the early years - Josiah: “So one time for lunch you sent me a bunch of those butterscotch chips, and then Damaris said, "Hehe, they look like tiny piles of poop!" And so we said it was rat poop. And the next day you sent me chocolate chips, so we called those mouse poop.” Kalina: “I remember in 1st grade we were painting fish and I took the longest of everyone because I wanted it to be perfect.” I remember that too—that’s when I first realized how artistically talented Kalina was. Kristiana: “In 2nd grade. Walking into Jaimie Freeburg's room the first time I went over there alone for a sleepover, and having her Furby wake up all-of-a-sudden and us both being caught off guard and flipping out.”

Complete the following sentence: I can laugh about it now, but when I was little I got really upset about/when… Josiah: “…I had to invite boys to by birthday party... Hahaha! I only liked the girls in my class because all the boys were annoying.” I do remember that. I had to encourage patience and kindness and explain that it wouldn’t be appropriate for a boy to invite just girls to his party. Fun times. Kalina: “…Dad or you would stomp on the ground upstairs to get us to come up there.” We lived in a large two-story house, and when the kids were downstairs and we tried to call them, they couldn’t hear us. So we developed a “stomp signal” as a sort of intercom system—I do remember Kalina getting irritated. Kristiana: “…I had to give things away. Now it's my natural inclination to do that and I don't like having so much crap.” I tried to train Kristiana, our packrat, to periodically weed out things she didn’t need. It was a challenge, but she finally seems to have gotten the hang of it.

“Cool” things about going to grandparents’ houses—Josiah liked going to the park with Grandma and Grandpa Miles and getting candy at Grandma and Grandpa Vogel’s. They tended to have the Baskin-Robbins hard candies on the counter by their back door, and Josiah was keenly aware of this fact. Kalina recalls “going to the beach and finding shells” when we stayed with Grandma Nancy and Grandpa Charlie when she was little. Kristiana remembers her joy at seeing all of her drawings on the fridge at Grandma Shirley’s and Grandpa Merle’s. “I was always excited to see which ones they put up because it made me feel loved through a small gesture.” She also enjoyed “looking through Grandma's jewelry.” Her memories of time at Grandma Nancy and Grandpa Charlie’s include going on walks, finding caterpillars, gardening, and eating salal berries.

What was the most hilarious “phase” you went through as a kid? Josiah remembers being obsessed with garter snakes. Kalina remembers her fascination with her made-up word “mushoo” (she would say it all the time) and holding her hands up like little fins in front of her. She actually had her whole class doing it at one point—fourth grade, I think. Kristiana’s phase involved, as she puts it, “when I thought everything was ailing me.” She was a bit like Vada Sultenfuss in the movie My Girl. Sometimes we had to convince her that she was not, in fact, suffering from some serious malady.

When I asked each of the three to name something they didn’t like as kids but do like now, Josiah said “Mongolian Grill.” We never went there during about the first twelve years of his life because we knew he wouldn’t eat it. Kalina didn’t like “folding laundry or vacuuming” but now says she enjoys both. Kristiana thought blue cheese dressing was disgusting for years, then finally one day decided she liked it.

As kids, many of us had visions of what we might be when we grew up. Sometimes those early ideas become reality, but some we look back on and find humor in them. For my kids, the humorous “what-I-want-to-be” plans include a traveling soap salesman (Josiah), marine biologist (Kalina), and singer (Kristiana). I would say, however, that Josiah is still very particular about product scents—he likes to smell good—but his talents are considerably more far-reaching; Kalina loves the ocean and finds marine life beautiful to look at—but she’s studying to become a high school English teacher; Kristiana has a beautiful voice, which she still uses in worship and to bless her husband—but she’s found her passion in photography—and hospitality.

It’s fun to look back on what made us tick (or ticked) when we were younger, as well as how our interests, likes, and dislikes have changed over time. Through new experiences and maturity, we often draw closer to the things that truly reflect who we are. None of my kids are finished “growing up” yet. There is much they’ve yet to experience and discover. Even at forty-five, I find that I am changing—I’m still becoming the person I was created to be. I’m still learning new things about myself.

My mom used to say that if people were all the same, the world would be a really boring place. Our differences in personality and temperament—even the things we remember—add color and dimension to our lives. We are all so very different! It’s no wonder the Bible says we are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” It’s almost scary how unique people are! Only an incredibly creative God could do that.

I am thankful for all my children—and for the ways in which they are unique. It has made my parenting journey interesting, entertaining, challenging…and unpredictable. But I treasure the moments—the laughter, the hugs, overcoming crises, bandaging owies, celebrating their successes—the serene yet sobering knowledge that at the end of the day, they were still mine and no one else’s. I love each of them dearly, individually—and I thank God for each one.