Make Memories

 

   Family now in my "junk journal" for posterity.

The inspiration for this piece is a very special group of people, the Looney family—made up of my daughter Kristiana, her husband (my bonus son) Nathan, and their two wonderful boys, Gene and Benjamin (Benny). Anyone who follows them on Facebook would probably agree that they are one of the busiest families around! Parties, trips, activities, excursions…sometimes it makes my head spin, wondering how our adult kids can keep up with it all. But when one looks deeper, there is a family value profile the Looneys have that it all stems from: deeper relationship, togetherness, and legacy.

Before they even started taking cruises, when Benny was just a baby, Nathan and Kristiana have set aside time one day of the week to go on a “family adventure”—doing something they haven’t done before or going someplace new—and experiencing it all together, as a family. I’ve had the privilege of joining them on a couple of these. I loved watching the boys light up at new things they saw or discovered.

Though the Looneys obviously position themselves to make memories, according to my son-in-law they aren’t actually “made;” rather, they result from moments that are lived through and looked back on later. He says, “We just get to do the best with every moment we have. Good or bad, memories we can look back on and laugh about later on.”

Doing one’s best with these moments means that some may be fun, hard, frustrating, joyful…but they all can foster deeper relationship and togetherness. According to Nathan, “It’s not as important to make the memory as much as it is to LIVE the life. The lifestyle you cultivate is very important, because we don’t get to pick the good or the bad. It’s about making opportunity for memories to “land” and making opportunities for growth and retention.” For Nathan, it’s not about “being in a cool place or doing something specific…it is about getting the “me” out of the picture and serving my family.”

Due to the family’s vast array of sensory encounters, there are obvious benefits to my grandsons’ growth. They literally soak up new experiences and have well-developed vocabularies. At a young age, they are becoming familiar with multiple cultures. Nathan loves that “they get to enjoy both the bigness of our world and how awesome God weaves it all together, how it guides your daily life: it’s like our Wednesday adventures…it builds a heart of exploration and a heart of togetherness. It’s not adventuring that does that though…it’s the pace with our family.” They certainly have formed a rhythm in which they walk, run, and play together—and…to quote Disney’s Stitch, “nobody gets left behind—or forgotten.”

Benny, who is only three, likes doing science with his big brother Gene. He also loves going on bug hunts, and I can attest that he is extremely eagle-eyed and observant; not only can he spot practically microscopic bugs—he tunes in immediately to their behavior and conjectures about where they’re going or what they might be trying to accomplish. Because he is growing up in a culture of exploration, he is able to see and do, taste and touch—and decide what types of things stand out as favorites.

For Kristiana, making memories means “finding new rhythm, whether an activity is old or new and whether or not you are with the same people—or making new connections. It’s important because we build a legacy with our lives, and we get to decide whether or not it’s a godly one that will last and hopefully continue to be passed on. The benefits I see from it are endless!”

Gene observes his parents’ interactions with the various people they meet on their adventures and, therefore, knows “making friends” etiquette. He is a friendly, well-rounded kid. This school year, he played soccer for the first time—it was his first time being on a team of any kind. His take-away wasn’t how “good” or “bad” anyone’s soccer skills were—it was how much fun he had! And he’s expressed an interest in doing it again. I believe that the way his parents approached it with him gave him the freedom to have an extremely positive perspective on the sport.

But Gene isn’t only a soccer enthusiast. He also loves swimming “because I get to float around and go underwater.” And he likes climbing rock walls; recently after climbing one, he said he liked it “because it was a high experience!” One might also find Gene roller-skating, which he claims is better than ice skating “because it doesn’t have just two blades…it has training wheels.” Gene is also a naturalist at heart. After taking an Alaskan cruise with his family, he said he “liked seeing the nature that God did and I also like seeing the beauty in Him.”

I credit my daughter largely with building enthusiasm in her children because she exudes so much passion for life herself. In her words, “I love adventuring with my family. I love the taste of NEW. I love getting excited about seeing sights and hearing sounds and just having experiences I’ve never had before. I love also returning to favorite spots and having that warm fuzzy feeling that says “this is good.””

The Looneys are intentional in setting aside time—and for bigger events, money—for family experiences. Sometimes spontaneity is the order of the day, but there is a degree of planning that goes into making a family-centered, God-honoring life—which is what the Looneys desire. “My daily life is impacted because we are always in a sort of planning mode that includes adventure and memory making,” says Krisitana, “even if it’s a short trip to the Grocery Outlet. I live in a state of expectation instead of just apathy. I’m always looking forward —which is, I think, how God wants us to be. Looking forward to the GOOD He has in store.”

But are there favorite memories? The Looneys parent in a way that involves discussion and recapping of events so that the kids get a chance to share and reflect. From their most recent adventure, a cruise to Alaska—including a short time in Victoria, B.C.—Benny said he loved going on the bus ride (to the cruise ship), which says a lot about how he simply loves being with his family more than he loves the destination. In Gene’s words, “One of my favorite memories from this trip was bumper cars, because they bump really hard; and I had a fun time with Mama and Dada.”

Kristiana has an amazing memory bank that gathers memories. As she puts it, “My favorite memories span a long period of time, and I’m sure some would surprise people. I remember my mom making different obstacle courses in the back yard at Luree Court and her bringing pots of hot water out to the pool one by one so we could still play. I loved finding ladybugs and going in the green house to watch the koi fish swim at our house on 15th Street. I remember going to the Capitol fountains as a kid—and Takena Park and other places like the YMCA and Olinger Pool…I have always adored being in water, since as long as I can remember.” Fairly simple things, to be sure, but somehow they were made meaningful and became a part of her.

Part of doing life experiences as a family is reaching goals and meeting challenges together. Kristiana’s favorite memory from the Alaska trip “is probably reaching the top of Mt. Roberts in Juneau, because it was a hard hike, so when we finally reached the top I was both relieved and so proud of all of us for conquering it together…and the view from the top made it all worthwhile.”

For Nathan, it’s all about being present in the moment. Even though there are things he could probably identify that are favorites from each new venue, his joy comes from just being there with his family and sharing it all with his wife and kids—seeing them have fun and learn and be adventurers. That makes him a very happy man indeed.

As a mom of adult children, I can’t help but wish that we had done more as a family when my kids were young; but I often hear them bring up remember-when’s and know that I didn’t fail completely. In fact, I think I succeeded in being a bit creative with the resources I had. And raising an oldest child who can pass that creative outlook on to her sons.

Who knows what will “stick” and stand out to a child years from today? Kristiana and Nathan are providing their two with lots of moments to choose from. Through the mode of togetherness, relationships are being strengthened and legacy is being built. I am blessed to watch their process, and I am proud of them for investing so much time in their children.

Whether you call it making memories, being in the moment, seizing the day, or some other term—the opportunity to share life anew with the ones you love is a priceless treasure. In a sense, as we commit to loving one another well in every setting and enterprise, we are being the memory. What a parent brings to the table for their kids is imperative—will they love life or tolerate it? Will they look for the unique or be content with a mundane existence? Will they reach for the unfamiliar or settle for boxing life in? I encourage you to set an example for those around you of being one who’s willing to step out of the old, well-worn sneakers into something new—and maybe even unexpected. 

Put on your memory shoes, and bring someone special along with you!