Relaxing

 

Relaxing. To relax means “to release or bring relief from the effects of tension, anxiety, etc.,” as in “A short swim always relaxes me.” It means to let the cares of the world drift away, while you focus on peaceful existence. My definition of relaxation goes something like: doing something you enjoy without the pressure of an unfinished task or responsibility hanging over your head.

For me, knowing that there is something else I really should be doing instead makes it so I cannot fully relax. There will still be tension, anxiety, guilt, and the like until that thing is done. It’s different with a “something” that has been sitting on a shelf a long time though—usually, that’s something I can push to the back recesses of my mind, where cobwebs and dusty vases reside.

Relaxing means different things to different people. What might seem relaxing to one person may not be perceived so by another. For one, taking a short walk after dinner may be a form of relaxation, but to another it seems undue exertion after having just eaten (and we all know “short” is a relative term too). A person may find crafting (paper, glue, ribbon, and the like) may be a good way to bring relief to the soul, while to his or her friend the mere mention of crafting may create stress.

My husband finds fishing relaxing. I, however, get annoyed by the waiting involved—which brings on a certain form of stress for me. It can be alleviated, though, by pulling out a pen and paper and drafting a poem. The virtual restful sigh that comes over my being as I sit and write is also a personal form of relaxation. Another person could sit for hours wondering what to write. And that would be terribly stressful.

It's important for each of us to know what energizes us, what de-stresses us, and when it’s time for either of those. Some people are on the go at such velocity, they never seem to slow down. Such a person may tell you, “I can’t relax” or “I don’t know how to relax,” when I believe the truth is closer to “I’m not willing to relax.” Sure, we can find lots of joy in enjoyable, even fruitful, activities. But if we’re always pushing for our next “fix,” all that busy-ness can become like a drug we don’t ever detox from.

One thing I do know—if I get in a mode where I’m sort of manically busy, it stresses out the people around me. We have to be careful about the form of “busy” we choose and how often we choose it, if we want to be fully considerate of others.

Signs of people who have a hard time relaxing, that I’ve observed over the years:

1.        Fast speech – people who are extremely busy tend to, at least to some degree, try and race through all the things they’ve filled their plates with, so that even their talking speeds up.

2.        Full calendars/planners – they don’t have many gaps in their schedules. Every moment seems to get filled. They may be able to pencil you in next June.

3.        Martha Syndrome – I’m coining the term “Martha Syndrome” after Martha in the Bible, because this is someone who, while she (or he) may be a great host, she spends a lot of time up doing things instead of sitting and visiting.

4.        Periods of sickness or exhaustion – those who keep themselves constantly busy will tend to get very sick from time to time, or just completely wiped out. One cannot maintain that level of activity forever. The fuel will run out eventually.

5.        Over-achieving – This may seem rather obvious, based on the aforementioned points, but those who fail to relax are often over-achievers, giving their all to something at the expense of other things, so that it is “perfect.” They aren’t satisfied with a “really good job.” It has to be over the top. There’s a time and a place for going above and beyond, of course, but it shouldn’t be the standard for everything. There is a balance to be struck.

Practicing regular relaxation (massage can help a lot) improves sleep, boosts the immune system, and lowers blood pressure. It improves mood and aids digestion. It increases blood flow, relieves headaches, and can help with depression management. And there are many other benefits as well.

Relaxation is not laziness. Obviously, if one is relaxing all the time, without trying to do anything productive, that is a problem—however, true relaxation is not a lack of productivity; it is a means by which we can recharge and become more productive when we need to be—and usually with a better attitude. It is caring for one’s self—and caring for yourself actually shows that you care for others. You will be a better wife, mother, husband, father, teacher, accountant, foreman, chef, homemaker, friend, etc., if you learn to purposefully relax.

Think of relaxing as a vitamin—an essential nutrient. You may not want to take it, but the habit of doing so will ultimately improve your health and outlook on life. And the more forms of relaxing you implement—the necessary vitamins, if you will—the better equipped you will be to effectively complete tasks, tackle challenges, and be present in the lives of those you love.

Relaxing may be a hard pill to swallow, but it will help you to be a better version of yourself.