April Apperceptions: Age is a Number...Or is It? - Thoughts on Ageism

I know couples who are married with twelve, fifteen-plus years between their ages. My late father-in-law and my husband's mom shared a twenty-year gap. Are marriages with a broad (even generational) age gap any less respectable than marriages between those who are close in age? I would say absolutely not.

But are there challenging issues that occur as a result of that gap? Often, yes. Sometimes the health of the older partner fails sooner, due to his/her more advanced years. Differences in perspective can also occur due to "generation gaps." But are these issues too great for love to overcome, or at least work through? I think not, as I've seen it with my own eyes.

What about in the workplace? What role does age play there? Can a younger person perform in a fast-paced work environment better than a much older counterpart? Sometimes yes...sometimes no. If a person possesses the wherewithal, motivation, expertise, etc. required for a particular position--I say that person should have just as much opportunity as the next person. But...

(You were expecting one, weren't you?) I favor a balanced workplace environment, made up of staff members of all ages--partly because it's what I'm used to. On our school staff, we have several people in their forties (myself included), one in her twenties, one in her thirties, one in her fifties (and one turning 50 this year), and a couple who are sixty or over. I appreciate the fresh, innovative perspectives and ideas of our younger staff members, but I equally value the wisdom and experience-based enlightenment of the more senior staff.

Being somewhere in the middle (though closer to the other end of the spectrum all the time), I feel I've gained a balanced perspective. I can look back on my younger years and be thankful for all I've learned since, while appreciating the ambition and idealism I possessed at that age. It certainly wasn't all bad; I still recall some wonderful units and lessons I devised, and maybe even a few inspirations of pure genius. Likewise, I continue to glean from the practical knowledge of those who've been "in the business" longer than I have. Both are valid. Both are needed.

Is there age discrimination in the workplace? Of course. But so is there sexism, and appearance-based hiring--even business decisions made on the basis of first impressions. But...don't some of us make decisions based on some of those very biases? Not that we mean to--I know I certainly have though. We are human. And that's an element we cannot remove from the equation--ever.

Ageism exists. But what should not exist in our society is dishonor of people due to the number of years they've been on the planet. Unfortunately, it does. I don't think ageism always amounts to dishonoring behavior--sometimes it's just a quiet assumption or judgment. But when it's overt, it can be truly hurtful. Everyone deserves dignity, no matter their age.

There does seem to be a pervasive philosophy in our American culture that "old people" have outlived their usefulness; they no longer have anything to contribute; they should basically be ignored. Where would our society be without the contributions of some of these very people? Many have started companies (that we still benefit from today), raised politicians or pastors or doctors, entertained us. Or they've been the politicians, pastors, doctors themselves.

Reaching a mature age shouldn't negate one's previous achievements--or shining moments. What if we were to treat toddlers as we often do the elderly. I mean, they're not cute little cooing babies anymore. What if we ignored them, simply because they're getting older? Ridiculous, right? Yet, that is often what happens.

My mother always said, "You're only as old as you feel," and I think there's a great deal of validity in her perspective. If people have the drive and the desire to go and do the things they enjoy or are good at, who cares how old they are?

Timothy put it in proper perspective in I Timothy 5:1 - "Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers,..." Psalm 71:9 admonishes, "Do not cast me off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength is spent."Titus, chapter two, emphasizes the role of older women in teaching younger women--particularly in terms of loving their husbands and children in a godly manner. 

There comes a point where for each of us the mind may fade and the body grow weak--things we once did, we can no longer do. But the value of a person does not diminish because of what he or she is capable or not capable of. In terms of work, age will always be a factor to some degree--whether we like it or not. But it should never be a license to dismiss or "cast off" a person once his or her work is done. Allow those who are aged the chance to work hard, take pride in their history, and retire well. For this is also how legacy is born.

April Apperceptions: Don't Judge a Book...

Everyone knows the famous adage, "Don't judge a book by its cover." Boy, isn't that the truth?! In my undergraduate program, I had a Sociology class, for which we were assigned a book about Chinese immigration and the immigrants' contributions to the building of the Transcontinental Railroad in the 1860's. I could learn about Chinese culture, while at the same time learning an important piece of American history...or so I thought. As it turned out, it was full of sexual vulgarity and basically painted the immigrants as sexually obsessed deviants. Sexual terminology was even used to metaphorically describe the opportunities and choices facing the immigrants. The line that threw me over the edge (I'll never forget it) was..."The world's vagina was large..." What in the world?! I felt like I was learning very little (if anything) about sociological topics.

I was about half-way through this "required reading" when I took it to one of the elders at my church, a man whose wisdom I trusted immensely. He said, "Yeah, you shouldn't have to read this." And of course, his next comment was, "Why'd you read so much of it?" I explained that I kept hoping it was going to get better.

So...I went to my instructor the next day and explained how I was offended by this book and wanted to request an alternative. He said I could, but if I did he was doubling the writing requirement. I figured that wouldn't be a big problem for me--so I took him up on it. That was an eye-opener for sure.

Fortunately, there are also those books you come across in life that make a permanent, favorable impression. If I had to pick just one, I think I'd highlight Beverly Lewis's The Shunning, described on Google in these words: "The bestselling story of Katie Lapp, who longs for things forbidden to a young Amish woman. But an unexpected discovery reveals her true past." 

I found this book--and the others in its series--eye-opening (as much was based on actual research), captivating, compelling...and it tugged hard on my heart-strings. One might think that a story about Amish life would be boring or a bit "stiff." But not this story! There was an unexpected degree of mystery, an ample array of secrets, and a fresh look at the human condition combined with dreams/desires--which made this book one of the most satisfying I've ever read.

My recommendation--if you're concerned at all about the content, style, or pace of a book--open up to the middle and read a couple pages. However, while things can go terribly wrong with a supposedly Chinese sociological spin, you can never go wrong with a Beverly Lewis novel.

April Apperceptions: Thinking of Inking...Someday

Today's writing challenge called for me to reveal what tattoos I have and whether they have special meaning.

Well...sorry to disappoint--but I don't have any. That's not to say that I don't ever want any though. I have a scar from a freak freezer accident; it was a dead chest freezer that was full of food--we had loaded it onto a trailer, and when one end of the trailer got weighed down by the freezer, the other end bounced up (much like a teeter-totter) and scraped all the way up my calf, causing instant bleeding and a permanent scar. I'd like to cover it at some point with a vine-type tattoo with all sorts of flowers blooming from it as sort of a symbol of life. I would choose some flowers with meanings that represent things I want in my life. God makes beauty from ashes--he turns our scars into reminders of His faithfulness and goodness.

I've thought of a few possibilities:

The other tattoo I would someday like to get would be a pictorial representation of a special name the Lord gave to me in 2007--Brave Intimacy. He showed me a picture of me on the bow of a ship, speeding across the water--with Jesus's arms wrapped around me. I was safe in His care. And that is definitely something I always want to remember.

So...no tattoos yet, but it definitely could happen. I have no problem with tattoos and have seen many I can appreciate. In the Old Testament, people put up stones as reminders of God's deliverance and power. I've seen much the same thing accomplished through tattoos. If I were to get tattooed, the images would have to hold significant meaning for me.

April Apperceptions: My Fascinating Boy

When one thinks of a person who could be categorized as "fascinating," one might think of a skilled actor in Hollywood, a famous music performer, or a respected scientific mind. I think of my son Josiah. Though often quiet, he tends to have a lot to say if one finds the right topic at the right time.

Josiah possesses an amazing mind. He is a deep thinker. His mind is never idle. And he's constantly coming up with creative ideas--which he has a remarkable ability to execute. And he excels in both math and language arts. Josiah's mind is multi-layered and impossible to define in short, concise descriptions.

Josiah is strong and athletic. Though his hallmark used to be speed, it is now strength--and he's diligently working at improving in all of his track and field throwing events.

I've watched Josiah, over the years, learn how to take the thorns along with the roses in relationships with friends/schoolmates. He is passionate, so he can get pretty frustrated at times--but he is equally as loyal and caring. His compassion always gets the best of him--a quality I'm happy he got a large dose of.

How can so much creativity,  athletic skill, and intricacy of thought exist in one young person? I don't know--but God does. Sometimes being around Josiah is like exploring a new land. You may think you've seen it all, but then you make a new discovery. I understand a lot of what goes on in Josiah's head, but on a regular basis I become aware of facets that relate to others, that relate to others, that relate to still others.

Josiah is serious yet hilarious--and though he may look for easy solutions, he really doesn't like them. This boy likes a good challenge

I'm sure my level of fascination will grow over the years, no matter how old Josiah gets. My fascination is really appreciation--of who God is and all he has to offer the world and the people in it. He certainly has blessed my life. I'd never trade him for a simplified version--I like the one I've got.

April Apperceptions: Oh, to Go to England

I used to think Australia was my dream place to visit, but recently I've been thinking that there's someplace else I'd rather see and experience. And maybe even live for a spell. Why? As song poet Roger Miller once wrote:

"England swings like a pendulum do
Bobbies on bicycles, two by two
Westminster Abbey, the tower of Big Ben
The rosy-red cheeks of the little children"

Yes, there are fun things to see in the United States too--but there's something whimsically appealing about walking along the charming English countryside, roaming through rustic cottages--and stopping for a spot of tea.  And stepping on the cobblestones where some of the world's most skilled and renowned writers trod--Shakespeare, Dickens, Tolkien, Keats, Doyle, Austen, Browning (to name a few).

There are castles to capture, rivers to ramble, museums to mill around in. Not to mention parades, Parliament, and pedagogical history unlike any other. I could see Cambridge and Oxford first-hand.

England, like Oregon, is largely green. I think that if I were a resident for a time, it would remind me of home--and the accents would just be a bonus.

April Apperceptions: Ten Interesting Facts About Me

Today's assignment on the 30-day writing challenge I'm currently fulfilling is..."Ten Interesting Facts About Yourself." Well...what I find interesting and what someone else does may be two very different things. So I looked up the definition of "interesting." It means "arousing curiosity or interest; holding or catching the attention." So, with my ten facts, I shall try to arouse my readers' curiosity and keep them wanting to read more. You, my reader, will have to let me know whether or not I have succeeded.

Here they are, in no particular order:

1. I sang in a bar when I was 15. It was over a weekend period at Frank's, our "pub and grub" in the metropolis of Mapleton, Oregon. There was a visiting rock band. My parents got permission for me to go into the bar part of the establishment--and listen to the band. Somehow, I got up the guts to acquaint myself with the members. This led to my parents giving permission for me to actually sing with the band. I sang "Me and Bobby McGee" as a male/female duet with the lead vocalist, a long-blonde-haired classic rocker. We also performed one I was less familiar with at my tender age--Stevie Nicks' "Stop Draggin' My Heart Around." I also recall having the band accompany me as I sang "Harper Valley P.T.A." and "Old Time Rock 'n Roll." It was quite an experience. I never had a large audience, but it was--nonetheless--an enthusiastic one.

2. I sang at my wedding. My groom-to-be had no idea--I kept it a secret for weeks. I only practiced it once with my junior high chorus teacher, Rick Barrows, accompanying me on the piano. It was listed in our program as "Special song for the couple," with his name as the soloist. To this day, I think it came off quite well--and others told me as much after the fact. I sang "My Only Love" by the Statler Brothers.

3. In the first grade, I had a bit of a paranoia regarding communal toilet seats. At school, I had to meticulously lay strips of toilet paper over each section of the seat because my mom had struck fear in my heart that I could "catch crabs." Of course, I was picturing the ten-legged, seafaring type. But I certainly didn't want them anywhere near my bottom! I think my first-grade teacher thought either my parents or I had gone a bit bonkers when I told her. It makes me grin now.

4. I always wanted four children. I ended up with three here and one in heaven, so I guess I actually got what I wanted. I just have one I don't know quite yet.

5. As a child, I loved to eat nasturtiums, flowering plants with bright-colored blooms. They're considered part of the cabbage family--some people actually put them in salads. Whenever we went to my Aunt Lorraine's house, I'd eat a few from her front beds. She probably wondered where all her blooms were disappearing to. They're a bit spicy--yet satisfying.

6. My Aunt Elsie and I used to perform self-authored puppet skits for our "announcement time" at the Florence Evangelical Church from the time I was nine to approximately age ten.

7. I was part of my high school newspaper (The Navigator) all four years--I loved it. I primarily wrote feature pieces and put together advertisements, not to mention a fair amount of editing and proofreading, which I enjoy to this day. 

8. I learned to use a machete when I was ten years old and proceeded to do so up until just before I got married. My parents worked for many years as "woodsmen," cutting young alder trees by the thousand to send to the aluminum plant in Troutdale, Oregon--they were used to stir the large vats of molten aluminum. I was pretty good at this activity and used to go "pole-cutting" with my folks frequently and never cut myself once.

9. I never went to kindergarten. I've mentioned this fact in previous blog posts. It wasn't compulsory then, and my parents didn't want to send me "in the city" (we lived in Portland, Oregon until I was six). Therefore, my first school experience was first grade--which I entered with great trepidation.

10. I learned how to give birth using the Bradley Method, not Lamaze. One of my best friends, Debbie Gross, was a Bradley instructor and taught Byron and me all she knew. Bradley emphasizes "natural" childbirth--i.e., no unnecessary drugs, no epidurals, etc. and normal, calm, steady breathing. I didn't get to practice it for long the first time, as Kristiana was delivered via a medically  necessary C-section. But it served me well the other two times. And I had a great coach in my husband.

I'm sure there are other interesting facts I could conjure up from my memory banks, but these are the ones that leapt readily to mind. Perhaps some of you out there feel privileged to know other interesting things about me--now you can finally add to your repertoire.

April Apperceptions: First Love and First Kiss

First love? Well...it all depends on one's definition of love. But if using the definition of "attraction toward another person and internal emphasis of everything positive about that person's personality--lasting for one year or more," then there was a boy in my high school (whom I shall not name) that I admired greatly for nearly four years. But it was not meant to be, for so many reasons, first and foremost of which was that God had someone in mind for me.

Which leads us to the kiss...now, technically, my "first kiss" was in second grade, inside a concrete pipe on my elementary playground--from a kid named Allen. But the next and most significant kiss was my first kiss from Byron Kephart, when I was seventeen years old. This kiss carried passion, promise, providence, and perpetuity--all in the space of a few seconds. I'll never forget that kiss. And I look forward to many more.

April Apperceptions: My Earliest Memory--Toddler Tinkering with Towels in the...

My earliest "memory," though I'm not sure I remember it or was simply told of it so many times that I thought I remembered it, involves my early attempts at helpfulness. I was somewhere between the ages of two and three. We lived in an old, run-down apartment building on the southeast side of Portland, Oregon. We had no washer and dryer, so my mom did laundry by hand, in the bathtub. Well, the bathtub was a little unreachable and big for a small tyke such as myself, so I proceeded to "wash" towels one day...in the toilet. Hey, it was water, right? I was quiet just a little too long, so Mom discovered me, dipping towels--which unfortunately had been already clean. Not anymore! As I recall, she commended me on my helpfulness but was quick to stop me. If my mom had overreacted, this could have been a very negative memory. But she understood my heart. So it remains a happy tale to this day.

April Apperceptions: Five Problems With Social Media

Social media is a wonderful invention, with opportunities for networking, cross-cultural/country connections, marketing, etc. However...it also is fraught with some problems, especially for those with character weaknesses or propensities toward certain types of indiscretions.

These are the five main problems, as I see them:

1) Insensitivity: It is easier to say something harsh, rude, biased, etc. on social media because the person isn't right in front of you. You are "protected," in a sense, from their reactions. You can say what you wish--and there's no danger of an actual, full-on, in-the-same-room confrontation. That can be dangerous--we can become flippant with our words--and hurt people.

2) Unhealthy doors: Social media offers the opportunity to open doors that need not be opened--links to or recommendations of programs or videos one shouldn't be watching. Not everyone is susceptible to these waverings, of course, but those who are find a world without limit via social media. It's easy to justify watching something so-and-so is watching, especially as a teen, but not everything out there is beneficial.

3) Disconnection: People can easily fall into the trap of not connecting in "real life," with the illusion of being in a good relationship--via social media alone. Furthermore, teens who spend too much time on social media have a tendency to get "sucked in"--and it limits their interaction with their parents and family.

4) False information: Social media is full of untrue information, being touted as truth. One must be wary and astute.

5) Commiseration: Those who suffer from depression or are prone to self-harm find camaraderie with those of similar struggles. This can be a good thing, of course....but it can also be a negative element of social media--in which people with negative thought patterns reinforce each other's negativities. And that can lead to downward spirals on both sides.

• I've hurt others using social media--that doesn't mean that it's not a good tool, but it does mean I need to guard my heart so that I will seek to honor others as I use it. 
• There is much good to be gleaned from social media, and hopefully it outweighs the bad. I tend to believe that it does--since I am an avid user myself. But awareness is key, especially when it comes to adolescents and impressionable teens. 
• I believe social media can be a good way to connect with people--especially those in other states one can't see often. But it can never be a substitute for "in person." I have fallen into the trap of disconnection before--and I still have to guard against it. 
• It's important not to assume that everything others post is true; seek to validate and do your own thinking. 
• Don't allow social media to cloud your judgment  so that you cease to recognize all the good in your life. 

Social media, when used responsibly, is a great thing. But be aware of the potential problems associated with it--so that you can make the best decisions, ones you won't regret later.

The Kepharts' 2015 in Review