April Apperceptions: The Fearsome Five

I could say that with God on my side there is nothing to fear, which is true--or even "...do not fear, for I am with you" (Isaiah 41:10), God's own words. But I would be lying if I said that I never have any fear. Certainly, I seek to not fear, and when I recognize fear I generally send it packing. But fears come all the same.

Some fears are more general and aren't at the forefront all the time--like the fear of death. But others are more specific, like a fear of going outside--something one has to deal with daily. Still other fears are relatively innocuous unless the heat of a situation is "turned up," so to speak. For example, if someone is afraid of spiders he or she might just avoid them, yet not run in fear every time one is spotted. But...if that same person was enclosed with a great number of spiders, that might be a different story--the fear would be intensified.

So here are some of my fears (five, to be exact), from more ethereal to those that I have to battle on a regular basis.

1. Fear of being beheaded. - No, this isn't one I think of very often. But when I think about things worsening in our world, according to Scripture, it is something that crosses my mind.

2. Fear of drowning. - This one is almost a rational fear--since I'm not a water person and consequently not a very good swimmer.

3. Fear of rejection/scorn. - This mostly has to do with obeying the Lord and/or sharing about Him and possibly being rejected (or having the message rejected at least), which I have experienced. It's not pleasant, but it seems to be survivable. Still, I fear it. In the moments when I am able to step beyond those fears though, I give God room to do great things.

4. Fear of not being a good friend. - This is one I've had for years. I do believe that I'm a good friend. For a long time though, I wasn't sure. I had a fear that I would always screw up and not be the kind of friend I should--that I would hurt people I cared about in the process. The enemy tried to get me to believe that I shouldn't make friends at all. But even though it was hard, I held onto the tenuous belief that I could be a good friend and that God wanted me to have close relationships. But every once in a while...the enemy catches hold of my old insecurities and whispers the lie that I'm not a good friend. And that's when I have a choice to believe God or believe Satan.

5. Fear of the future. - This one is actually the one I seem to battle the most. It's one big fear made up of many interrelated ones, each significant in its own way yet magnified if too much focus is given to the fear surrounding it. For example, I fear some of my kids living out their days not serving God; losing my husband to a premature death; never accomplishing my dreams; never knowing what it's like to not struggle financially or relationally.

So what do I do with these fears? Well, obviously at times I entertain them. But I have an advantage--God's truth. And when I compare these fears to what He has to say--they lose their power. Even if some of these things were to come to pass, God is still God--and He's still good. His love reaches beyond my deepest, darkest fears and knocks them for a loop.

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love" (I John 4:18). The best, most secure place I can be is immersed in the Father's great love for me. It's in that place that I am comforted, empowered, strengthened--even hidden. And as long as fears come--which they shall--it's what I'll keep on choosing.

April Apperceptions: Color of Joy

My favorite color hasn't always been the same. When I was little, I fancied pink and blue (like my mom). As a teen, I began to like all shades of purple. Then I switched to pink, which was featured prominently in my wedding in 1987. In my early married days, I decided I liked hunter green--and even had a coffee pot that color. Years later, I still loved that color--and even began embracing other shades of green. Then came my fascination with dark cranberry red.

When I began to notice the vintage craze of the early 2000's, I decided that turquoise was my absolute favorite color--and different shades of it too. It went really well with the shabby chic look--and it made me feel happy inside. I'm sure there's a deeper psychological explanation, but that's the simple truth--turquoise brings me joy. There's just something about it that flips a happy switch in my brain; I find myself drawn to turquoise things. Granted, it may not always be my favorite color--but for the phase of life I'm currently in, it's a superb means of peppering my life with little bits of joy.

 

April Apperceptions: A Life-directing Quote

A quote I try to live by comes from the Bible. It says, "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you,..." (Matthew 7:12a; also found in Luke 6:31). A common version of this verse, reflecting the same principle, is "Treat others the way you want to be treated."

Therefore:

• I make an effort not to judge, lest I be judged according to the same measure (Matthew 7:1-2). 
• I try to be a good listener.
• I challenge the people I care about and endeavor to speak the truth to them in an encouraging, building-up way.
• I share my opinions but try not to do so in an arrogant way. But...I try not to give unwanted advice--unless a person has given me permission to speak into his/her life and I feel it is warranted and/or essential.
• I pray for others.
• I encourage others in their pursuit of a deeper relationship with God.
• I attempt to keep in contact with good friends.
• I share (by way of wisdom) both my successes and my failures.
• I give gifts (whenever possible).
• I encourage my loved ones' dreams and goals.
• I urge those I love to pursue areas of gifting and talent.
• I share my giftings and talents with others.
• I am honest.
• I set needed boundaries (at least, I try to).
• I practice unconditional love and acceptance (I say "practice" because I'm definitely not perfect at it).
• I look for ways to minister to those in need (I think I can improve a lot on this one).
• I sympathize, empathize, and identify with others whenever possible--sometimes this means carrying burdens with them too.

I am reminded as I write this of the many, many people who have been and continue to be all these things to me. I am thankful for love being shown to me so that I can continue to love others well--which brings me to another great quote (i.e., passage) to end on, for it is my heart's true desire:

"Love others well, and don’t hide behind a mask; love authentically. Despise evil; pursue what is good as if your life depends on it. 10 Live in true devotion to one another, loving each other as sisters and brothers. Be first to honor others by putting them first. 11 Do not slack in your faithfulness and hard work. Let your spirit be on fire, bubbling up and boiling over, as you serve the Lord" (Romans 12:9-11, The Voice).

April Apperceptions: A Bullet Point History

April 16, 2016 - A Bullet-point Accounting of My Day

• Woke up...about 10 minutes before the alarm
• Took shower
• Got dressed
• Woke Josiah
• Put on make-up
• Fixed hair (minimally)
• Helped Josiah find pants to wear
• Got in the car (all three of us) and left the house
• Stopped at the church to pick up some things
• Went to Safeway
• Decided not to purchase anything at Safeway
• Drove across the street to Subway
• Bought sandwiches for Byron and Josiah and biscuits and gravy for me
• Drove down the parking lot to Urban Grange
• Byron and Josiah went inside to purchase drinks
• Drove to Corvallis to see Kalina; ate and drank on the way
• Visited with Kalina for about an hour
• Had Byron text Monica Robison about visiting Taryn in the hospital in Portland
• Arrived back home
• Checked text messages (my phone screen doesn't turn on without plugging in and waiting)
• Took a nap
• Woke up
• Texted Byron from our room
• Texted Monica
• Heard back from Monica (so did Byron)
• Woke Josiah, who was also napping
• Got in the car (all three of us again) to head to OHSU to see Taryn
• Arrived at OHSU and found parking
• Met Monica on the 9th floor
• Went outside to courtyard to see the family
• Watched Josiah, Evan, Monica, Lauryn, and Allison (one of the Robison kids' youth leaders) play a make-shift game of volleyball while Taryn had a respiratory treatment
• Went to visit Taryn; visited with Bob also
• Played a game of Crazy Eights with Taryn and Josiah
• Took a couple pictures
• Went back out to courtyard, this time with Taryn too
• Watched Alyssa (who had recently arrived), Monica, Evan, Lauryn, and Josiah play kickball with make-shift bases (like leafy twigs,a  piece of plastic)
• Talked with Monica a bit 
• Said our goodbyes; gave hugs; talked a few more minutes with Bob and Monica
• Got back in car; drove back home
• Arrived home
• Scrounged up dinner; ate dinner
• Puttered on computer while Byron (and by default, me) watched The Twilight Zone
• Called Josiah into the room to watch an intro that made us laugh
• Answered Josiah's question regarding plans for next weekend
• Observed Josiah writing a letter to his great grandma
• Puttered some more on the computer
• Decided to go to bed
• Said a bedtime prayer for Josiah 
• Asked Byron to come tuck me in
• Put on PJs, brushed teeth, etc.
• Cuddled with Byron for a few minutes
• Went to sleep

April Apperceptions: Pet Peeves (the Word "Pet" Implies That They can be Tamed)

We all have eventualities that really seem to bug us--the occurrences of these "pet peeves" can bring out the worst in us--or at least a bit of frustration. I'm going to share a few of mine...but I've also decided to share how I've learned to overcome a degree of the peeved-ness that they cause.

1) Grammar errors and misspellings--The common ones are the ones that bug me most, such as the  misuse of your and you're, the spelling of "congratulations" with a "d" in place of the "t," and the misspelling of "definitely" as defiantlly--or featuring some other random assortment of i's and a's.

How I've learned to overcome much of what bothers me in this department: Through a growing love for people. Loving people above their spelling and grammar abilities. I will, however, admit that my annoyance with word negligence heightens when the errors are present in a business/professional context. Still, I am able to overlook much by reminding myself of the great value of those I care about who may be making these types of errors. I usually can tell what they mean anyway, and I've decided that relationships are more important than grammar and spelling.

2) A messy, disorganized garage--I haven't yet been able to overcome this one, nor effectively alleviate its negative effects on my psyche.

Temporary solution (better than none at all): The only temporary fix I've found is the periodic (maybe once a year) cleaning/organizing of the garage.

3) When people cancel or "bum out" on commitments last-minute (or just don't show) and make seemingly lame excuses.

What I've learned to do: I've learned not to expect as much of people as I once did so that I don't end up being overly disappointed. I've also had to remind myself of times that I've been the culprit in a last-minute cancellation that I could have kept. We are all human, and sometimes it takes hindsight to realize that our actions affect others--and our word matters.

Everyone has pet peeves. The challenge is to not let them get in the way of good relationships. Sometimes healthy boundaries can aid in this process (in reference to number three). And sometimes we just need to extend grace. After all, I know I am responsible for fueling others' levels of irritation. Pet peeves are annoying, but in the grand scheme of things--we can usually learn to put things in perspective if we're willing.

April Apperceptions: Seven Years From Now

I always have hated those interview questions--'Where do you see yourself in 5 years, 10 years?' Five seems too short a time to really project a lot of changes...but ten seems too long. So, let's just split the difference and say seven years.

In seven years, I really have no idea where I'll be geographically...but there are some things I hope to have accomplished or be doing. This is how I see it:

• I will have published two books.
• I'll be a grandma, with maybe a couple darling grandkids.
• I'll be teaching somewhere part-time.
• I'll be speaking at various women's events and reading to groups of children at schools.
• I will no longer be heading up the clothing ministry at Life Essentials--and I'll have enough money that I won't be getting most of my clothes from there either.
• I'll be living in a different house, and I'll have a writing nook of some kind.
• I'll be part of a worship team.
• My marriage will be thriving in such a way that I'll be mentoring others.
• And I may even be pursuing another education-related degree.
• I'll be going out to dinner at least once a week. 
• I'll have a deck and a hot tub.
• And perhaps by the time my third book is published...I'll finally have my Hummer.

April Apperceptions: A.M. Excursion (AKA "The Morning Commute")

First of all, I don't really consider my drive to work in the morning a "commute." I feel fortunate to only be twenty-five minutes away from the school where I teach. And even when I wasn't teaching there--I was doing this commute. I've been driving back and forth to this school for the better part of sixteen years.

My morningtide musings consist of figuring out (split-second) whether or not I need to take the Hope Avenue "detour" so I don't end up stuck in the infamous Wallace Road back-up; devising strategies for my day at school; looking forward to events I have scheduled for after school; singing with the radio; praying;...and on the rare yet joyous occasion--drinking coffee.

The commute, though sometimes frustrating due to the amount of traffic and other drivers' unfortunate choices, goes by quickly--and so it is more of an "errand," one that always leads to some wonderful things while teaching amazing children alongside incomparable co-workers.

April Apperceptions: Funny Phrases Found on Fringe

There are some things that make me laugh. Sometimes it's the way someone says them; sometimes it's a matter of timing; sometimes it's just the mood I'm in.

But a couple phrases that always get me are:

"Abigail! Amelia!" (a movie line from The Aristocats) and "I'm aware I'm not wearing pants, Peter. I'm not an idiot" (Walter Bishop on Fringe).

There are many things that make me laugh--bad acting, the quips of my kindergarten students, clever commercials.

But as far as one-liners go, I'm pretty sure Dr. Walter Bishop takes the cake.

April Apperceptions: My Guy

I've known my husband, Byron, since I was seventeen years old. What seemed to be a chance encounter at a Hawaiian themed youth group party turned out to be destiny--and the journey continues.

One of the things I love most about Byron is how giving he is to his friends--he'd do anything to help those he loves. He keeps a pretty tight circle of what one would consider close, or intimate, friends. But he is committed to that circle.

In June of 1986, I became part of that circle. And on August 15, 1987 we sealed the deal with a kiss and some rings. I would say that like in all worthwhile relationships we have gone through alternate periods of frustration, closeness, distance, too much busy-ness, disagreement, like-heartedness, conflict, and communion.

No matter the hard times, I've always come back to the place of knowing that I married a good man--one who'd do anything for me. Even if it meant giving up something for himself.

The journey is far from over--and there's much to be learned--but at the end of the day I am comforted in the love I share with my guy. Like the song says, "I'm sticking to my guy, like a stamp to a letter. Like birds of a feather, we stick together. I can tell you from the start, I can't be torn apart from my guy."

April Apperceptions: Fruit Exclusions

I never met a fruit I didn't  like--but there are a couple I'm not particularly fond of.

Number one: I don't think it's the color--it's more the texture. It tends to be squishy--and the flavor just isn't dramatic enough for me to love it. It's okay in a fruit salad, but alone...it's just not one I'd choose to eat. I think the texture--and the accompanying moistness--reminds me a little of a slug. Therefore, kiwifruit is one of my two least favorite fruits.

Number two: There's a second undesirable fruit. It doesn't have that satisfying "chomping into the flesh" aspect that many fruits have. Instead, one bites these weird seeds--and that's supposed to be the amazing feature. I just don't get it. Eating this fruit is, for one, not particularly satisfying--because it's not super sweet. But furthermore, there's something about the slippery feeling of the seeds and their blood-like excretions that make me feel like a vampire when eating it. It's a rather macabre fruit in my opinion--the pomegranate.