Moms' Monday: Listen

Sometimes kids don't have a lot to say by way of conversation or sharing about what's going on in their heads--they can be a bit like a locked vault. Others seem to have something to say all the time. No matter what the case may be--a previously closed vault that is suddenly wide open or a perpetually open one--be ready to listen. If you are a good listener when your children want to talk, they will be more likely to talk to you when they don't.

If your son or daughter ever wants to spontaneously visit with you, make time for it. If at all possible, give him or her your full attention. If you are in the middle of something, requiring you to multi-task, make sure you look at him or her often and make eye contact. Be engaged in the conversation.

And if a conversation opens up late at night, do your best to stay up and listen. Drink coffee or something. This may be a rare and life-changing opportunity--count it an honor and a privilege. Sometimes bonding takes place during these late-night exchanges that cannot happen any other way.

And if for some reason, your child comes to you with a serious tone, either during the day or waking you up at night, wanting to talk--be ready to listen. If they sought you out, it's pretty important and needs to be handled carefully. Leave any judgment outside the door. Just listen. Once you have a full understanding of the situation, you can offer some input--but make sure it's motivated by unconditional love. Your child needs to know you can be trusted with the deepest concerns of his or her heart. How you handle this interaction may determine whether there are future ones.

Kids are vulnerable. They want you to share in their lives, but sometimes they worry that you "won't understand." And maybe you won't totally "get" where they're coming from, but you will have a greater chance of even meeting them halfway if you listen with an open heart. Build that trust.

Banter about bands, things their friends did at school, ideas they have--all of it is important. Because it's important to them. And when these less urgent interactions are handled with love and care, your child will be more likely to come to you when things are more urgent.

I think the message I am trying to send is best exemplified through Jesus' words in the story of the talents, Matthew 25:29 - "For whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them." Faithfulness with our kids' hearts is so much more valuable--for they are more precious than any amount of gold. 

If you want your kids to talk to you and have an open door to advise them according to what is right, be willing to lay judgment aside--and listen.