My Mom

The butterfly mug belonged to a very special person before me. She had a great love of butterflies and was a bit of a transformation story herself. That person was my mother, Shirley Louise Miles. Today marks six months since she went to be in Heaven with her Good Lord and my dad. I share today’s blog in honor of my mom and all that she meant to me.

To say my mom had a difficult childhood seems a bit of an understatement. The product of a dysfunctional home life, she was sent to live in foster homes and even a boarding house at a young age. Unfortunately, she suffered abuses in some of those places. But there was one family who loved everything about her and wanted to adopt her. That didn’t take place, but she always treasured her time with them and found in them a love for God that she had not seen. It may have been during that time that she accepted Jesus as her Savior. 

In spite of disappointments and instabilities, my mother was able to find great joy-- in music. From a very early age, she was a gifted singer, and by the time she was a teenager knew she wanted to be a performer. In high school, she was the song leader in assembly and was a member of the Glee Club. It was during those pivotal years that she also traveled for a time with the USO (United Services Organizations), entertaining troops. They were “The Stars of Tomorrow,” and my mother was the star of the show.

A beautiful woman with a captivating smile, she won the heart of a young man she went to high school with. When talk of marriage came up, my mom was given a choice—him or her would-be career. She chose him and spent more than ten years in an abusive relationship—for it was after they were married that his true colors began to show. He was an unfaithful husband with a violent temper—life was walking on eggshells, waiting for the next bomb to go off. 

Once single again, Shirley had some specific passions and desires. She’d never follow in her parents’ footsteps of alcoholism; she wanted a new life that included having children; and…she was afraid to ever get married again. 

In the interim, Mom moved to Brookings, Oregon with her mom. Her mother introduced her to a wonderful Christian lady named Elsie—who just happened to be my dad’s sister. Not long after meeting Merle Miles and finally conceding to let him court her, the two were married at the courthouse in Coquille, Oregon. My mom was 30, and my dad was 39. 

Three years later, I was born. My parents never had any more children, but my mom always made sure that I knew how "priceless" I was to her. She believed I was smart, entertaining, talented, and precious—and she showed it through the attention she showered on me, her encouragement of me in all my endeavors, and her uninhibited affection toward me. After growing up lacking in those areas, the natural inclination would have been to withhold approval and outward demonstrations of love—but not my mom. She was wise about the things of the heart, and she knew how to love a child—and for that child to know, undoubtedly, that she was loved. 

In spite of the heartaches in her life, my mom knew how to laugh—and laugh she did, with her entire being. I miss that laugh and the joy that it brought to my kids, my husband, and me. Mom always said it was important to find things to laugh about, and that she'd rather laugh than cry.

I learned  many things from my mom, but the most important might have been how to be a friend. She went out of her way to help people she cared about—she would listen to them as they shared their struggles, point out their best qualities, and offer assurance that she would continue to be there for them. And she always was-- putting everyone before herself, friends and family alike. She taught me that when you have a problem, you go to “the Good Lord.” She was confident in His love for her and wanted me to be too.

My mom loved her grandchildren dearly and showed great enthusiasm upon every visit. She would literally light up with joy. She adored each one but also saw them as individuals. She showed great interest in all their achievements, events, and plans. She believed in their potential for success in whatever they set out to do. And Grandma Shirley always looked each one in the eye, making an intentional connection as she expressed how much she loved them. It was important to her that they didn't just know it in their heads but that they could feel it in their hearts.

Shirley Miles never became a household name. My mom never got to see her name in lights or perform at the Grand Ole Opry. But she passed on a legacy—of music, of laughter, of love.

Mom, I miss you, but I know you’re filling Heaven with laughter and song. Until we meet again, I will do my best to make you proud and to be the kind of mom you were to me. I love you with all my heart. 

Butterfly

Painted wings fluttering like crepe paper on wind—

Flitting here, lighting there, til a new dance begins.

Mesmerized onlookers rhythms enrapture,

Eyes, trailing on as each movement they capture.

Perfection displayed in the beauty and grace

Of this wing-ed waltz, putting a smile on each face.

The oblivious butterfly goes on her way,

Not knowing that she has stopped traffic today.

© 2013, Teresa L. Kephart